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Watching My Childhood Vanish (Free verse) by Caducus
They’ve built houses over our old den, Cut the oak tree down where we used to torture ants, Pensioners live there last days here now, Trying to contain pureed food from wrinkled faucets. The glistening aluminium from the climbing frames rusted, Left jousted upon a shingle embankment, The caretaker contorts in a state of remorse, as his house crashes down in a fountain of splinters. My childhood memories flood back, The times I would make Julia Pearson cry, By flashing her my ass as her mum would drive by. The guarantee of solitude, Playing, making spit pies, Getting away with being rude, By working those innocent eyes, I miss being the King of the Castle, Miss being the dirty rascal, And my father who would carry me on his shoulders, Telling me I would be that big one day, I remember everything he ever told us, But like my childhood, Things change, people move away

Up the ladder: From Hell, a Vilanelle
Down the ladder: No Idea

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.68
Weighted score: 6.668756
Overall Rank: 535
Posted: July 1, 2003 4:32 AM PDT; Last modified: July 1, 2003 4:32 AM PDT
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Comments:
[10] Mona Lisa @ 62.105.116.77 | 1-Jul-03/4:36 AM | Reply
Impressive ! moving yet quite funny in parts.
[1] wFraser Allonby Q.C.w @ 195.157.153.253 | 1-Jul-03/6:57 AM | Reply
This is some nostalgic-ass nancy-boy shit
[10] maffy @ 62.105.116.77 | 1-Jul-03/8:36 AM | Reply
P.F.G
[9] scitz @ 62.105.116.77 > maffy | 1-Jul-03/8:47 AM | Reply
whats PFG?
[10] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 24.209.21.223 | 1-Jul-03/10:25 AM | Reply
PRETTY DAMN FUCKING GOOD!!!
[10] JoyLuck @ 68.75.20.59 | 1-Jul-03/10:34 AM | Reply
and when your daddy would touch you





great poem man
[7] richa @ 195.92.168.173 | 1-Jul-03/10:55 AM | Reply
sentiment done many times before about the childhood den etc

imagery good and placed in a very definite place



[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 1-Jul-03/1:33 PM | Reply
This is by far one of your best, I would lose that "people move away" entirely, and end with a period after "things change".
[7] abecedarian @ 164.67.82.153 | 1-Jul-03/3:01 PM | Reply
I had a friend who once a year burned everything that made him sentimental. I never asked him if he burned his spit pies. Do they burn?

(must be a nice collection of memories)
[10] Druid_Girl_1984 @ 209.214.109.169 | 24-Jul-03/11:57 PM | Reply
i really like this one. good work.
[10] cleverdevice @ 81.131.194.68 | 29-Jul-03/11:30 AM | Reply
tres bien!
[0] poetandknowit @ 65.101.211.145 | 1-Aug-03/4:42 PM | Reply
The first two lines are almost good, well with and edit or two. Toss the rest.
[n/a] god'swife @ 67.73.35.78 | 8-Aug-03/8:07 AM | Reply
Great. Light use of words, but still a few things which torture it. Get rid of the last two lines, it's redundant. You left the reader with a strong enough image, let him figure it out for himself, he's guaranteed to.
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