poemranker ::Myopic Labotomized Hubris by Retaliate

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Free verse № 59770

Myopic Labotomized Hubris

by Retaliate

Member since 2003 · Posted 7 Aug 2003 · Edited 8 Aug 2003 · 18 comments

The plans on the table pour liquid from the minds of endless madmen The myopic lobotomized hubris of a bodiless head that feeds itself with the invisible hands of miserable men soon the table will be submerged and the only thing left in the room (should we fail to bilge this insanity) will be our anoxiated swollen carcass and an empty hollow head like a chalice floating half-submerged in its own stagnant meningial fluid

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mean 7.00 weighted 5.54 rank 2532 views 191 View voting details →

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18 comments

[n/a] DreamerSupreme 7-Aug-03/1:17 PM Reply
It takes a steady hand to pull the cock
against the strain so determined
to have its way

Who will grab the cock?
Who will toke the snake
so we can all get out of the car and jerk ourselves off for a fucking change?
[n/a] Retaliate › DreamerSupreme 7-Aug-03/2:25 PM Reply
you know it's difficult to be known as 'Retaliate' and not... well... retaliate for this offense, but I'll just save my breath on this one.

('toke the snake' is good, though)
[10] SupremeDreamer › Retaliate 8-Aug-03/1:47 AM Reply
Well.. its just my dreamer way of voicing my opinion.. notice that i didnt include your first two stanzas.. those were good.

then you started talking about some goddamn wheel and shit, and im sitting there thinking: Man, this guy got some pretty good drugs.. because i don't have a clue what you were trying to do or what message you wanted to express.. bleh..

Good choice, retaliation isnt a good idea, bitching turns me into a demon and i really start shooting rockets at your work.

and about toke the snake, i know.. that was a fucking stroke of genius i had when i needed to fit my mini-parody into your rhyme and form, i succeeded in keeping it focused on a funny rant about masturbation.. im actually quite proud of myself.. ;)
[n/a] INTRANSIT › SupremeDreamer 8-Aug-03/1:00 PM Reply
why do we have the wrong set of educated fucks in "office"?
[10] SupremeDreamer › INTRANSIT 8-Aug-03/2:00 PM Reply
educated? thanks, now i really feel special.. about me being in office, thats news to me.. and whats wrong with the "set" (whoever that includes..) of educated fucks? compared to american politics, things here make more sense.. -shrug-
[n/a] Retaliate › SupremeDreamer 8-Aug-03/3:07 PM Reply
Any better supreme? I like bilging better than braking anyway.
Braking is easy, bilging is dirty business.

Since when is ignorant fundamentalist nepotism the hallmark of a solid education? (Blair is at least articulate). Our president wouldn't know Dido from a dildo if she rammed her fist up his ass.
[10] http://mulberryfairy › Retaliate 8-Aug-03/5:14 PM Reply
I like the new ending, it is a little less obvious and cliche than grabbing the wheel. However, I don't know about this bilging business. My dictionary (which may or may not be inadequate) says that the verb form of bilge means 1)to become damaged in the bilge (which is, in noun form, the bulging part of a cask or barrel) or 2) to rest on the bilge. I think you need something more like purge, ablute, or pass, like passing a parasitic worm.
[n/a] Retaliate › http://mulberryfairy 8-Aug-03/9:04 PM Reply
I think the dicionaries are incomplete on this matter (oh the arrogance). It is true that a bilge is the part of a boat. This bilge collects water that can become foul and repulsive, leading to the insult of calling someones opinion or words 'bilge' - short for 'bilgewater'. The bilge pump is a pump that removes water from the bilge, and the manual process of bailing water when this pump breaks is sometimes called bilging (although you are correct that no dictionary I can find uses this definition).
[10] SupremeDreamer › Retaliate 8-Aug-03/5:54 PM Reply
Alot better, my god, you actually injected more creativity and imagination into it! fucking magnificent. 10.
[n/a] Retaliate › SupremeDreamer 8-Aug-03/9:16 PM Reply
thanks supreme
[n/a] INTRANSIT › SupremeDreamer 8-Aug-03/4:29 PM Reply
I'm not sure anything on either side of the pond makes much sense anymore. But, what do I know. I'm just a blue collar brute poorly passing myself off as a poetic pansy. Ha!
[n/a] INTRANSIT 7-Aug-03/4:50 PM Reply
Go ahead and hit the brake. Just let me change lanes first.
[n/a] Retaliate › INTRANSIT 7-Aug-03/8:10 PM Reply
If you hit us, the you deserve it for tailgating down the one lane highway to oblivion. :)
[10] http://mulberryfairy 7-Aug-03/6:35 PM Reply
Your bodiless head reminds me of Futurama.
Workers of the world unite.
[n/a] horus8 8-Aug-03/8:51 PM Reply
Submerged in what? If it's the only thing left in the room? Perhaps, it's submerging into it's own submergence?

As my Mentor would say "You've strung together some wonderful words here."
[n/a] Retaliate › horus8 8-Aug-03/9:21 PM Reply
I like your mentor's subtlety. A simultaneous compliment and critique if I read it right. Do you think any of these words are ill chosen for their purpose?

The last sentence is basically a list of all things left in the room: a carcass, a head, and all the meningial fluid. Apparently there is enough bilgewater in the head to drown us and the head it is contained by.
[6] god'swife 11-Aug-03/8:01 AM Reply
ugh. I love the idea, but it's more a curse/swear at this point. Can you expand it and add a little more poetry? But I do agree, Fuck Bush.
[n/a] Retaliate › god'swife 11-Aug-03/10:52 AM Reply
Isn't there something poetic about an overly articulate political rant?

(Otherwise this 'Retaliate' thing may not be such a good idea after all)