Re: a comment on The woods house by zodiac	15-Jan-04/12:33 PM
HARSH: Ungentle, severe, austere. POIGNANT: Affecting or moving the emotions. TALENT: A special natural ability. Everyone should know what it means, it''s perfectly clear. The boy has a natural ability for telling stories, in an ungentle austere manner, that affect the emotions of the audience. For me, life itself is a harsh poignant matter, so I'm attracted to such a portrayal of it.
Re: The woods house by zodiac	15-Jan-04/1:07 AM
Brilliance. How excellent to see it. After so long in the swamp, finally a bit of art. 'It was a bad near miss' and from then on the poem takes hold of me, lovers trying to save a small life together, naked. their hearts just as frail, and their present life snared together. I love this poem. You have a harsh, poignant talent. My favorite.
Re: War zone by INTRANSIT	15-Jan-04/12:51 AM
I grew up with a sister. Only 11 monthes between us. She was older and a perfect bitch. Pretty fucking scary. Thanks for the poem, the tome is yet to be compiled, but if I did, I would certainly include this excellent truth. We are ruthless, we girls. But women are wholey some other thing. Just wait. Your barbarous offspring will grow into your best supply of joys once again. You'll see.
Re: funny man by roses are read	3-Nov-03/4:52 PM
This would be ok if you made things clearer. for example, 'diamonds dangling...' what's that symbolize? Also the last two lines, what does that mean?
Re: my body is a battle ground by roses are read	3-Nov-03/4:49 PM
That longest second stanza is interesting but needs reworking, the rest should be thrown-out. Stick to the middle bit.
Re: Love by EouSou	29-Oct-03/11:36 AM
It's two people's hearts. Sweet as pie. Unfortunately the rainbows send this zooming to Over-The-Top Ville. Again, my first impression was just kind of ahhhhhh... that's gentle + tender, and I'm all for that sort of thing. Does it really make 'all of life a single moment'?
Re: mother venus by elmundo	29-Oct-03/11:31 AM
Hmmmm... great idea. I'm really into random references which communicate the image or idea, so this is my favoite kind of lyric/poetry. That said, I'm certain the lead in was just something you came up with, at the time, to get yourself going. It lacks the integrity, vision, and sweetness of the other components. Also wouldn't it be better to be more specific about the time frame of kennedy's death? Instead of 'when' to say 'the day...' 'the year...' etc. It's ecstasy not extasy. My first impression was that I understand this and I like the way you put it together, traveling through those post-wwII television ideals and showing the reader how many light-years far they are from the reality of living and being.
Re: Homecoming by http://mulberryfairy	24-Oct-03/7:16 PM
My skepticism about a poem usually revolves around what I perceive as an over-indulgence. Whether it's the use of too many inconsiderable words, or, as in this case, the over-abundant use of words which reek of a literary hauteur. My tastes run towards simplicity, an elementary, universal appraisal. So for me, the exclusion of working class sensibilities, is strictly inoppurtune.
Re: My deepest thoughts by poetandknowit	24-Oct-03/6:39 PM
A post- post- post- Modern Luther King Jr.
Re: rainfall saga 7 by Bill Z Bub	24-Oct-03/6:35 PM
Again, you're holding back. I'm glad to see someone experiment, but as far as this lab rat goes, the prize IS the trip through the maze. This maze is nowhere, try again. At last At last At last You've got The Magic 3 working for you here Don't foul it up by chanting beyond what's reasonable.
Re: a comment on rainfall saga 1 by Bill Z Bub	24-Oct-03/6:28 PM
precisely.
Re: rainfall saga 1 by Bill Z Bub	24-Oct-03/6:12 PM
Somethings missing. Something small and important. Why do I want to read smile lure(s) fingers also, you do not show the thread that binds the smile to the rain and its thundering. You use the word 'weave' but do not. Smile-Fingers-Rain-Thundering. All lured? Some lured by certain ones, and not others? Show me the path, the formula here.
Re: Castle Psyche' by Sterling5583	23-Oct-03/1:16 PM
really good but again there's no sense of editing or, how shall I put it, candence? 'It started off with the murder of a loved one. The injustice haunts me even to this day. The only thing able to right what was done, Is to return the favor, in the exact same way.' It started with murder. My loved one. The injustice haunts to this day The only thing able to right what was done, Is the return of the favor, in the exact same way.
Re: Behind My Blue Eyes (rough draft) by Mona Lisa	23-Oct-03/12:44 PM
Lovely, needs some tidying up, but that's all. Please please get rid of the qoutation marks at the end. Oh, it's like wearing white platformed sandals with black hose. In fact if you toss that entire last line out, the poem would be the better for it. You've already brought the soul in at the first line of that stanza. Leave it be.
Re: falling in with the wrong crowd. by richa	23-Oct-03/12:38 PM
Many times I ask myself why I keep coming back to poemranker. Is it some sick co-dependent habit, an acting out of familial dysfunction? Then I find poetry, like an artifact toss carelessly among the rubbish, and I realize for a glimmer of a moment, no, it is my desire to feel the truth some stranger might share. A poem works for me not because I understand its details, but simply because the sound of it strikes upon familiar tones. This poem is pleasant, and poignant, the way a certain lullaby can calm, or the way a loved ones breathing registers a sense of belonging. Here is what the artist strives for, not sense, so much as beauty.
Re: glimpses by nentwined	22-Oct-03/10:48 AM
Wow, good for you. Much more depth then I've seen from you before. Could you move the 1st stanza inbetween some of the others? I think the second stanza would do much better as teh first, nice strong intro.
Re: 3am by Nicholas Jones	22-Oct-03/10:43 AM
More please.
Re: a comment on African Killer Bees, it's not the smell of smoke by <{Baba^Yaga}>	22-Oct-03/10:40 AM
Regular or extra creamy?
Re: My Chocolate F-9 by abecedarian	22-Oct-03/10:37 AM
'thickness' sanded? How, does thickness sand? 4th stanza- 'everything' or the only thing? The only thing left between me and my chocolate f-9 is a month, and then finally I'll hear her sing. The unbearable urge to rush is a disaster, waiting. So patience for once, do this right, just for once as I should.
Re: a comment on African Killer Bees, it's not the smell of smoke by <{Baba^Yaga}>	22-Oct-03/10:14 AM
what would you like to drink with that?