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War zone (Other) by INTRANSIT
I could smell the mild odor of burned hair as I slowly pushed open the bathroom door. I thought I was a police detective as I took note of the aftermath of teenage girls. Six empty cans of hairspray strewn across the floor like spent casings from a drive by. Clumps of hair draped around the bathtub plug as if they had been ripped whole from someones' head. One lace style high heel lay direct- ly beneath the wide open window. Droplets of blood on the toilet seat like a murderers calling card. Even the sink itself had been involved in the massacre. On the back was the curling iron, still on, heating a quickly drying washcloth. On the front edge, the powdered remains of blush, the broken compact lay directly below; a junkies last hit. A lidless tube of eyeliner in the bottom of the sink bleeding down the drain, trying to die. And a fuchsia lipstick message scrawled across the mirror: "Stop using my makeup!!! BITCH!" This scared me. I walked back upstairs to the bedroom. Donna was sitting up reading and I paused just long enough before climbing into bed for her to look at me over her glasses and say: "Don't even think about saying that, Gary". It was just as well I didn't. Whatever she would have said would only confirm my worst fears.

Down the ladder: keep on digging

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.6363635
Weighted score: 6.318182
Overall Rank: 861
Posted: January 14, 2004 6:41 PM PST; Last modified: January 14, 2004 6:41 PM PST
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Comments:
[9] Joe-joe @ 68.194.47.34 | 14-Jan-04/11:46 PM | Reply
Ah the joys of fatherhood. I have 2 teenaged daughters and therefore have had much experience in the "War Zone" you allude to here.....cold sweats....flashbacks...lost nights of sleep....the whole 9 yards! I like the connection you've made here between the cosmetic practices of teenaged girls and the battlefield. It definately works. The "Stop using my makeup BITCH" line made me chuckle....true love between sisters hath never been so strongly expressed! Stay strong...this too will pass. -9- See ya on the Brooklyn Queens Expressway!
[10] god'swife @ 67.73.35.35 | 15-Jan-04/12:51 AM | Reply
I grew up with a sister. Only 11 monthes between us. She was older and a perfect bitch. Pretty fucking scary. Thanks for the poem, the tome is yet to be compiled, but if I did, I would certainly include this excellent truth. We are ruthless, we girls. But women are wholey some other thing. Just wait. Your barbarous offspring will grow into your best supply of joys once again. You'll see.
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.209.41 > god'swife | 15-Jan-04/5:44 AM | Reply
Actually, I have no children. Or siblings. I do have 6 nieces. And I love them to pieces. I'm assuming there are no errors here? I was thinking about taking this out to book form. I'm worried that it's -been done before?
[8] Shuushin @ 147.154.235.53 | 15-Jan-04/1:35 PM | Reply
Was there a preposition sale someplace I missed?

Cute story.

[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.209.41 > Shuushin | 15-Jan-04/2:18 PM | Reply
'scuse me while I confer with my lawyers. Maybe you've heard of them? Strunk & White?
[9] Christof @ 217.44.77.166 | 16-Jan-04/5:22 AM | Reply
Very very funny - a cunning tale! I don't know if Strunk & White's grammar is different from Fowler's, but "someones'" should be "someone's" and "murderers" should be "murderer's". But hey! Who cares? This made me laugh, and that's a great thing in a dismal world.
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