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mother venus (Lyric) by elmundo Remember the time for the baby born
When Kennedy died.
John Wayne for papa, trips to the moon
A place where nobody cries.
Far away from extacy
M***** V**** prayed for me
Placed beneath the effegy of love
Up the ladder:
MRS Degree
Down the ladder:
Social Parody
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.428571
Posted: May 19, 2002 5:01 AM PDT; Last modified: May 19, 2002 5:01 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.582252 Overall Rank: 12582 Comments:
[6]
-=SeTTle=- @ 138.16.130.2
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26-May-02/10:14 AM
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Reply
PLEASED TO MEET YOU SAID THE SPELING BEE
ecstasy?
effigy. cute, overall. pleasant.
Hmmmm... great idea. I'm really into random references which communicate the image or idea, so this is my favoite kind of lyric/poetry. That said, I'm certain the lead in was just something you came up with, at the time, to get yourself going. It lacks the integrity, vision, and sweetness of the other components. Also wouldn't it be better to be more specific about the time frame of kennedy's death? Instead of 'when' to say 'the day...' 'the year...' etc. It's ecstasy not extasy. My first impression was that I understand this and I like the way you put it together, traveling through those post-wwII television ideals and showing the reader how many light-years far they are from the reality of living and being.
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