Poemranker [Replying] Sat May 18 07:29:00 PDT 2024

Replying to a comment on:

mother venus (Lyric) by elmundo

Remember the time for the baby born When Kennedy died. John Wayne for papa, trips to the moon A place where nobody cries. Far away from extacy M***** V**** prayed for me Placed beneath the effegy of love

god'swife

29-Oct-03/11:31 AM

Hmmmm... great idea. I'm really into random references which communicate the image or idea, so this is my favoite kind of lyric/poetry. That said, I'm certain the lead in was just something you came up with, at the time, to get yourself going. It lacks the integrity, vision, and sweetness of the other components. Also wouldn't it be better to be more specific about the time frame of kennedy's death? Instead of 'when' to say 'the day...' 'the year...' etc. It's ecstasy not extasy. My first impression was that I understand this and I like the way you put it together, traveling through those post-wwII television ideals and showing the reader how many light-years far they are from the reality of living and being.

Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry

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