Re: Sugar Coating by nentwined	2-Jan-05/12:55 PM
lol, this is the third time I've logged in and the second time I've gotten two of *your* poems to randomly review... dimples? that's not what came to mind. Either way, a good message.
Re: Thoughts for Later (v3) by nentwined	2-Jan-05/12:53 PM
sure, I like it.
Re: Dear Will, by DarkThirteens	2-Jan-05/11:57 AM
Actually has a sweat flow - was put off by two things though: "arouhd" (around), "and fill me full of fear" is a bit of an overstatement, considering you have the two lines above it. Yes, I know you need the rhyme, so get rid of one of those others (prolly "you scare..."). Slight annoyance is that I wouldn't normally pronounce "Lea" to rhyme with "me". still - feels good.
Re: Math Poem 3 by Dovina	2-Jan-05/9:44 AM
Given Zodiac's change - quite excellent.
Re: No More Autumn Poems (Edit) by Sasha	2-Jan-05/9:43 AM
First stanza, about one extra word per line. that and I see - "about to die" s/b "who's dying" so you can make the rhyming line "leaving branches drying" First line of last stanza - rough. last line, need something before "requiem". Pretty damn close to very good (otherwise I wouldn't bother, friend).
Re: a comment on Mallard by richa	2-Jan-05/7:10 AM
Oh, I didn't get that. And don't be so hard on yourself, happens to all of us.
Re: a comment on Mallard by richa	2-Jan-05/7:08 AM
That would depend on the perspective of the viewer... And I suppose it would be fixed their entire life. So you are saying the disparity lies in that the duck was smiling and should have been frowning (or displaying some other emotion, like bemusement) - or was the anthropomorphism the striking thing?
Re: The wreck of a Memphis-Atlanta Greyhound by zodiac	2-Jan-05/6:52 AM
Nicely done. I feel like it ended a little bit like the thought was pushed through a steel mesh somehow. And the use of "akimbo" completely pulled me out of what was a very nice and interest-keeping ride. I have no suggestion on how to fix that ending, so I leave it in your capable hands.
Re: a comment on Mallard by richa	2-Jan-05/6:47 AM
I thought it implied, at its most general, a combination of two or more things that seem strangely combined. That's what I meant by disparity. It can also be a beasyy that is part lion, part goat and part serpent that, oh by the way - breathes fire. I've been kindof waiting since my original post for someone to say "Hey stupid, it also means 'orange'", or something else, but it hasn't happened. Meanwhile I've looked around and I can't find any other descriptor/meaning for chimera that helps me otherwise out. You got something?
Re: Below Tide by D. $ Fontera	1-Jan-05/7:44 PM
A nice sentiment. Hard to make an emotional dent in an event of such scope.
Re: My Wife by Dovina	31-Dec-04/10:24 AM
Well, I really thought you was a goil. Maybe you are doing a perspective thing (sometimes I pretend I'm human). I think you have to be a goil. So. As it is then. Having trouble finding its mission, and if I have then it was found by the end of the second stanza. Made me consider it though, without hesitation.
Re: The Secret by nentwined	31-Dec-04/6:40 AM
Do I agree with the premise? I agree we made gods, but as for the reason - we'd have to agree on a definition of an adult. I put this in the category of "thoughts that might turn into poems".
Re: KAT 2 by nentwined	31-Dec-04/6:37 AM
Very much liked this, NW. I didn't expect the type of language from you, and it's laid in consistently and to good effect. It flows kindof moth-like, doesn't it? Great ending.
Re: Mallard by richa	31-Dec-04/6:04 AM
I try to make my own conclusions without reading the other comments, but I share Dovina's unease with "chimera". Having trouble with the disparity it implies, because I don't see it in the action. And the only link I see with the beak is with the color partially matching the flames breathed by that mythical beast - but that is a longshot at best. Fire/Water disparity?? - I actually wouldn't be too surprised if *you* were going for that (and that is meant as a compliment). Otherwise, its a soothing piece. Mellow with an interesting but not startling turn. "plumped tail" is very nice. Don't know what would work better than "lob", maybe "float" for several reasons you can probably see for yourself. But lob works well too.
Re: a comment on A Flower for Monet by Shuushin	11-Aug-04/5:04 AM
Glad you enjoyed it.
Re: THE BLOBBY QUIZ?? by MR Blobby	1-Aug-04/2:11 PM
The marketing campaign is working, I think. I hate you less and less. But is your keyboard broken or something?
Re: GONE by gayguy2005	1-Aug-04/2:08 PM
you are = you're pretend that for every comma, you will loose 10 readers; take them all out and put them back where they are really, really needed. Unless you are Kirk, then have at it.
Re: Poem #9 by katinchina	1-Aug-04/2:04 PM
a prepositional phrase slugfest. Should you try to cut down on that one thing, your poems will be better for it. I want to use my other standard line about showing not telling, but then I'd start to sound rude. Can't have that. I like the idea, btw, of painting this generic but lovely picture, then exposing a specific memorable element - but the rest of this is distracting me.
Re: a comment on The Conception of a Dream by wilco	31-Jul-04/8:03 PM
I use [Shift]+[Enter] at the end of the lines - cuz I hate that, sometimes that "acrosticness" seems insanely noticable. For what its worth, I didn't notice that on yours - until you said something. Now. Yep. This has a nice cadence, btw. I think for me to make sense of it would require a little more analysis on my part - and then I might not agree with it, so - have an 8 for the benefit of the doubt.
Re: The Reason by frdup717	31-Jul-04/7:37 PM
you aint sposed to vote on yer own stuff, FR! Has a 50's lyrical quality to it, and despite the indentations and easy sentiment, I like it.