DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

KAT 2

Member since 2001 · Posted 16 Mar 2002 · 12 comments

in the darkness I saw a flame and but a moth I flew a merry dance and journey there and by and by were you. questioning your questions and answering as best I could flitting here and there as well wondering what I should. as i pondered how and when you danced away, my flame and I stared from my distance wishing you back again. i yearned and I strived but my wings would not carry my heart - it was heavy my vision was blurry the damsel with the evil eyes a wicked grin forsooth magnesium glare, aura bright burning for the Truth. questing mind, serpent's tongue lies as lithe as please the freest creature I've ever seen pining to be free.

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63 votes so far. Yours would make 64.63 votes so far

12 comments

[3] anonymous 9-Sep-01/7:39 PM Reply

fierce!

[9] deleted user 7-May-02/5:24 AM Reply

Ooh, poem with non-contrived-sounding rhyme scheme! Impressed.

[3] anonymous 13-May-02/3:16 PM Reply

prrretty good. Try to identify the one primary idea you want to get across and make this variety of images work towards it. The rhyme is a bit pained, try writing longer lines maybe?

[5] deleted user 12-Jun-02/9:07 AM Reply

I get the feeling that this poem tries to hard to sound old... but that's a valid style in itself.

[6] -=SeTTle=- 10-Jul-02/9:23 PM Reply

The irony of this poem is the graphic rigidity of its format. Perhaps you can look into that quality of the poem - the idea that the poetry is in itself a restriction from which you are unable, as a poet, to be free from. And I think the selective capitalization is really a small fish to be frying, I'd focus on the big idea a bit more.

[7] horus8 11-Jul-02/12:17 AM Reply

Nicely doneG

[6] Bachus 28-Aug-02/5:11 PM Reply

mammon/ noun: material wealth having a debasing influence. 6/10

[9] god 29-Aug-02/10:49 AM Reply

nice I like it - 9/10

[8] Christof 23-Sep-02/3:39 AM Reply

Great sounding last stanza

[8] lunar 7-Jun-03/3:03 AM Reply

My name is kat can it be about me? (o:

[n/a] zzinnia66 7-Jun-03/4:49 AM Reply

very nice sounds, k. not sure about the line breaks. reading it aloud, they sound random, and stop the flow of the words.

[10] Shuushin 31-Dec-04/6:37 AM Reply

Very much liked this, NW. I didn't expect the type of language from you, and it's laid in consistently and to good effect.

It flows kindof moth-like, doesn't it?

Great ending.