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A Flower for Monet (Free verse) by Shuushin From the deck of the Eiffel Tower,
petite mademoiselle Michelle
chooses a flower - sweet alyssum,
to parachute upon the wind.Â
Through the white-washed avenues,
past open doorways and windows,
above the cobblestone streets
of Argenteuil
she watches it sail,
never in a straight line,
as the orange sun rises
above the Seine.Â
Her gift floats through time
and past memories
of Bazille, then Renoir,
weaving past Pissarro, and Boudin -
to land
at the feet of Monet.
_____________________________________
Up the ladder:
AIDS in a Doug
Down the ladder:
setting the record straight on April
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.0072994
Posted: March 29, 2004 9:00 PM PST; Last modified: March 29, 2004 9:03 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.0072994 Overall Rank: 13369 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list: francis nor capule, moonlightdance, TearsOnRoses, Stacy Stewart, dancin_n_da_moonlite, Niphredil, half.italian, sca Comments:
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-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 81.86.113.159
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30-Mar-04/4:17 AM
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Reply
A profoundly leaky guff in its own grease.
Hat tipped - great wordplay.
perfect end too
Very well put together.
very moving
Impressive.
Sentimentally moving. But why Monet?
the waterlillies?
although correctly, not neccessarily the same flower, probably more to do with his capture of light (aka moments)
very IMPRESSIONable
HEY guys, THANKS. Been in training most of the day and I popped out to check messages - horry cow.
Thanks for the good words - much appreciated!!
Excellent, excellent!!! take a 10 for this poem about my favourite impressionist
Of course he is.
Of course you would say that.
Of course -- no, wait. Bow'ls.
Would you care to expl -- sorry again. Bow'ls.
I refer the matter to my latest post, "My Favorite Baseball Team, The Yankees":
http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
Of couse it is.
Exactly. And if you're a doctor, I'm an amateur surprise prostate-examiner.
nice visuals
Beautiful wordplay... well thought out... beautiful overall.
I hate it when I miss really good stuff like this.
smooth
Yes Yes, cudos. Very well done
This is one of the few poems that I think actually deserves to be in the top 20. Wait, does that make sense? Oh well..Great job!
very beautiful poem
Glad you enjoyed it.
Despite a certain fey quality, very good.
Love the weave of words. Check me out if you could!!
this is by far the best poem i have read in avery long time .........i love it ............is is so beautiful.............:)
Thanks ddm - may I ask how you happened to look at it?
i had just posted a poem---and i felt like reading some others-------so i went to the list of people who were currently using the site-------and u were the first one listed--------then i just read one of ur poems-------
-mega
i know i have already posted about ur poem but i was just rereading it and i have to tell you that i really do love it is one of the best poems i have read in a very long time.........it is so well written
-mega
a golden oldie, thanks!
Shite.
nothing to object to concerning the technique: the words read smoothly, and the dropping flower cleverly solidifies the structure. its excessive sentimentality, however, weakens its potential cuteness and whimsicality. as for reducing the sentimentality, i'd excise the superfluous sunrise and rewrite "Her gift floats through time/ and past memories," as it's currently trite but has considerable poetic potential. still, i'm only dwelling on the poem's few shortcomings. overall, impressive and expressive. well done.
Quite simply elegant and I don't impress easily. The
best I have read at this site.
Thank you Quarton, high praise. Much appreciated.
delicately poised visuals. i can see the blossom's course, yet i do wonder why it ever lands... well done.
Much better than usual. Almost interesting in fact. Still lacking in humour though.
You could have just said you were jealous, and be done with it.
Very, very nice. This tipped off my tongue beautifully, and the language/wording is excellent. It's classy in the beautiful sense.
I commented before but never voted - here you go. I think end slightly lets it down, too limpid, too unearned, but the piece reads beautifully. Is the 'orange sun' over the Seine in the second stanza a reference to a Monet painting - is that the connection?
yes and also; the orange sun is a reference to "Impression: sunrise" (and others using a similar technique) while it is also a nod to the rising influence of being able (through talent and advances in materials) to acheive the groundbreaking results he (and other impressionists) did. It's a, ah - "poetic device".
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