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A Flower for Monet (Free verse) by Shuushin

From the deck of the Eiffel Tower, petite mademoiselle Michelle chooses a flower - sweet alyssum, to parachute upon the wind.  Through the white-washed avenues, past open doorways and windows, above the cobblestone streets of Argenteuil she watches it sail, never in a straight line, as the orange sun rises above the Seine.  Her gift floats through time and past memories of Bazille, then Renoir, weaving past Pissarro, and Boudin - to land at the feet of Monet. _____________________________________

James Rykelangeli 27-Feb-05/3:42 PM
nothing to object to concerning the technique: the words read smoothly, and the dropping flower cleverly solidifies the structure. its excessive sentimentality, however, weakens its potential cuteness and whimsicality. as for reducing the sentimentality, i'd excise the superfluous sunrise and rewrite "Her gift floats through time/ and past memories," as it's currently trite but has considerable poetic potential. still, i'm only dwelling on the poem's few shortcomings. overall, impressive and expressive. well done.




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