Re: a comment on The Way by Dovina	8-Jan-05/7:14 AM
WELL, I responded - but I think she will too, since I didn't get the comment emailed to me; she prolly did.
Re: Johnny football painter by Crakyamuni	6-Jan-05/11:22 PM
carnivorous irreparably and, what the hell, tremulant... I like the word - I don't like it there. Maybe if I knew your work better I could more easily accept the reach of it. It has a nice feel/flavor to it overall, though.
Re: a comment on The Way by Dovina	6-Jan-05/8:40 PM
LoL - Yoda is Jedi. A powerful Jedi is he, yes.
Re: a comment on Math Poem 3 by Dovina	6-Jan-05/8:29 PM
And I think you get a prize for the most frequent use of the word "facile" in any string of comments (not that it isn't an interesting word, just kindof rarely used).
Re: The Way by Dovina	6-Jan-05/8:22 PM
ouch - an anon one. Interesting thought. Is this a "do, or do not - there is no try" (Yoda) kinda thing? I like it - maybe we need an "aphorism" category.
Re: War Story by dougsoderstrom	6-Jan-05/4:21 PM
kindof amazed that there are so many workable rhymes for "for" (I think you forgot "two-dollar whore")
Re: The Toilet Paper Tumbles by PsydewaysTears	6-Jan-05/9:47 AM
reminds me of meatball I once knew.
Re: Math Poem 3 by Dovina	6-Jan-05/9:43 AM
You generated alot of interest in this one, D - nice work.
Re: a comment on Both Sided Acrostic by Bhaskaryya	5-Jan-05/10:31 AM
yes, yarn is plausible and all, just that it still leaves that beat long while the brain has to process it. And this is not the kind of place you go to have things "overlooked". No, not that kind of place at all.
Re: Both Sided Acrostic by Bhaskaryya	5-Jan-05/8:19 AM
(parallel acrostic) Hey! not bad at all. couple gotchas in there "A Ordeal" s/b "An Ordeal" so you'll likely have to play with that again. and "Yarns" is a sticking point. But still - good and interesting work.
Re: The Christ Omelette by horus8	5-Jan-05/6:53 AM
Crazy in all the right places.
Re: a comment on No sally, lay your troubles to bed by Crakyamuni	4-Jan-05/6:34 PM
What did this look like before?
Re: Mystery Stranger by Zalev	4-Jan-05/8:42 AM
capitalize "[L]ord", I think. Another unforced acrostic, nice - though I liked the other better (this one has a less flowing feel; more list-like, which is especially bad in an acrostic).
Re: The Snowcone Man by Zalev	4-Jan-05/8:37 AM
a well made Acrostic to be sure - barely forced at all, really - okay, the "D" is forced. Maybe "Death took the snowconeman, and my smile." - or "Death took the snowconeman and he took my smile." - something like that? and try "You want buy one?", he'd..." (should at least be in quotes). Either way, nicely done, and an acrostic to boot.
Re: the nature of our stillborn by Crakyamuni	4-Jan-05/8:31 AM
Well. Very nice, except I could do without the refrain - and this line: "Don't smile and laugh, it's distance" - comes off as a concession to rhyme. btw, as to the content (versus the form) - the message is that you were almost certainly trying to both love *and* be clever. At least to be clever. I want to give this a nine, but that list bit keeps me from it.
Re: a comment on Mallard by richa	4-Jan-05/5:48 AM
It's that whole dictionary.com thing again. Bastards think they know everything.
Re: Rebirth by Beyond_Dreams	3-Jan-05/8:50 AM
There is quite a bit there. I'd like to see some stanza breaks. And as one example, you tell me "my old feeble body" - I rather get that from the rest, or should. Telling me the same thing several times in standard ways, is not nearly as effective as telling me once - but in a memorable way. Having said that, I think this is a notch or so above average; some good vocab. It could pretty easily be more - might even be a two or more poems in here.
Re: a comment on 38 Lines by auscot	3-Jan-05/7:03 AM
Hey -=DA=- which standard comment response is this one? Number 11, I think.
Re: Betwixt and In Between by dougsoderstrom	2-Jan-05/3:44 PM
Doing nothing is always an option. It made me consider Frost's poem, and how it would be different if he had actually taken neither road. I think it would pretty much end in the first stanza. *Eventually* you gotta do something, even if it is "went back the way I came". And what the heck did you do to piss off Zodiac? I think he's just jealous.
Re: a comment on Dear Will, by DarkThirteens	2-Jan-05/12:56 PM
of course, I meant "sweet" - though sweat does flow.