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Betwixt and In Between (Free verse) by dougsoderstrom There was a time in my life,
When I was betwixt and in between,
So............ confused as I was,
I decided to do nothing,
And that has made all the difference.
Doug Soderstrom, Ph. D.
December 27, 2004
Up the ladder:
Occam's Razor
Down the ladder:
what part
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.1666665
Posted: December 27, 2004 12:40 PM PST; Last modified: December 27, 2004 12:40 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.7758822 Overall Rank: 11366 Comments:
What the hell. It's just too fun.
"Doug Soderstrom, Ph.D. from Wharton, Texas writes: Dear Aaron: I left the message below on your site dealing with bathroom behavior. I don't know if you would be willing to do such a thing, but, if possible, it would sure be nice if you would be willing to include a question or two "on whemying" on your survey of bathroom behavior. It is something I have been thinking a lot about for the past few years, but, as a psychologist, I cannot get anyone to take me seriously. It is a really crazy topic, but wouldn't it be wonderful to discover something brand new about human behavior! By the way I am an INTP also!!! So if you would, please take the time to e-mail me in regards to how you might be able to help me in regards to researching the phenomenon of "whemying." Please read and respond! I have developed a term for a phenomonen that I refer to as "Whemying." This phenonmonen refers to "the holding in of feces for a few minutes (from two to three minutes up to perhaps as long as a half hour or so) in order to experience the good feelings associated with fecal matter (usually referred to as "a turd") as it stimulates the nerves of the rectum and, perhaps as well, places pressure upon (in the case of males) the prostate gland." The "whemying feeling" comes and goes every few minutes as the fecal matter stimulates the nerves and leads to some really good feelings "something akin to an orgasm." I would like to know if any of you out there ever engage in such a phenomenon, or perhaps know of someone who does such a thing. If so please e-mail me at dougsod@wcjc.cc.tx.us My feeling is that children, as well as some adults, do such a thing, but never talk about it (the fact of their whemying), because it would be such a horribly embarrassing thing to admit to! I really do want to find out if people do such a thing as "whemying," so if you have any information about this, please do let me know. Thank you very much. Doug Soderstrom, Ph.D. Psychologist" Your all aces. -10-
I do it so much, i can't control myself and people stare at me for a while.
Dear Blindpoetry,
I suggest , if you are referring to the activity of "whemying," that is................ that you try such a practice in private where you will be less likely to be seen by others. Doug
My Gawd
If your referring to my last post, that is............ that you try to find my sarcasm. Spence
And there's more.
http://www.poopreport.com/Ask/Content/wh What made you think that a site called "poopreport" would give you serious lead on your "study". You have twice said that you are interested in this, but the question is why? You seem to be a very odd man.
Fuck your "Buddhuist-oriented Christian Humanism", buddist don't believe in souls. And let me ask you Doug, What difference, huh? What? The fact that your writing crappy marked to crash and burn poems, yea you deserve capped on.
Thank you very much for the kind words.
Doug
Doing nothing is always an option.
It made me consider Frost's poem, and how it would be different if he had actually taken neither road. I think it would pretty much end in the first stanza. *Eventually* you gotta do something, even if it is "went back the way I came". And what the heck did you do to piss off Zodiac? I think he's just jealous.
Dear Shuushin:
Good points. Yeah, I was just kind of just playing around with nonsense....... And yes, I am sure that we never can really do just "nothing" as, no doubt, "doing nothing" obviously always means we have "done something." Good question about Zodiac...... I'm not sure myself why he became so upset. The best to you, Doug
Both of you, please re-read the Frost poem. As you're bound to have been taught in Comp I (and since forgotten), Frost means the road not taken doesn't make any difference except to some guy who thinks it did because he's bum and people tend to think things make differences when they don't.
To reiterate: Frost says I SHALL BE TELLING THIS WITH A SIGH Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I I took the road less traveled by And that has made all the difference. [Emphasis added] In other words, the poem's about someone saying something, not about the truth or untruth of the something itself. Doug only says "And that has made all the difference." That's not only a bad ripoff, it's the exact opposite, like when Puff Daddy sampled that Sting song and made it all sweet and totally different. I've made pretty clear on this site before that I'm a big believer in the general coolness of higher education. This despite that the ranks of grad students and former grad students on poemranker include Doug PhD, crystal lane swift, a horde of other bumlings I've already forgotten, and myself. This is just offensive to me, not to mention a little frightening. An electroman1979 I can forgive, but you guys are supposed to know better.
Or like when they sampled "Batman" -- his actual voice.
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1) Where did you get your doctorate? I looked online for a while, then I just decided to ask you.
1a) Was it one of "those" colleges?
1b) Did you just decide to call yourself "Doug Soderstrom, Ph.D."?
2) On what existing philosophical or religious tradition do you base your beliefs in both telepathy (http://tinyurl.com/3m62x) AND the phenomenon (note correct spelling) of "whemying" (http://tinyurl.com/55duc)?
3) How can a professed DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY not be cripplingly ashamed of posting something so megabuncombe as this so-called poem?
4) And anyway, "that has made all the difference" from what? How did you know?
4a) Do you think "betwixt" and "in between" have distinct meanings? What are they?
5) Did your grad school not check spelling or punctuation?
6) Can I see your dissertation?
7) Are you not colossally gay and a little inflated by your ubiquitous bumblings on cheap Episcopal websites and online op-ed pages, both of which being the kind that advertise the South Beach Diet when you open them?
7a) Did you know what "ubiquitous" meant before just now?
8) Do you think that's what real Ph.D.s do?
8a) Or websites, for that matter?
9) If I were you, I'd blender my own arm. I know this isn't a question.
10) How do you explain other poemranker users to yourself, especially that they trump your poems every time you come back despite not having Ph.D.s like you do?
10) And incidentally, how would a Ph.D. instructor in Psychology at a respectable learning institution with real classes describe the condition of coming back to poemranker after your last trumping? Make sure to use the terms "colossally gay" and "just plain sad" in your answer.
(1 mark each)
I'm sorry , I didn't mean to void your response to my poem...... I just got mixed up and marked the wrong response. But regarding your question, I think that the poem reflects the idea that I am in the process of becoming a Buddhuist-oriented Christian Humanist who would like to be in a Zen state of perpetual "letting be."
Love, Doug
I like the Taoist idea of becoming like water in a brook that flows conformingly around the rocks in its path, sculpting them slowly, almost imperceptively over a long time.
Your friend,
Doug
Q: 'Doing nothing' "made all the difference" from what? Do you mean to say you know how your life would have turned out if instead of doing nothing you'd decided to, say, whemy yourself blind - so that you were able to measure the "difference" between the two outcomes?
You're confused. Here are examples:
1) Doug Soderstrom, Ph.D., does nothing.
2) Doug Soderstrom, Ph.D., buys a lottery ticket and wins $1,000,000.
Difference: $1,000,000 minus the cost of the lottery ticket, to say the least.
Of course knowing the difference requires that Doug, Ph.D., know both outcomes. To wit, suppose instead that he just bought the lottery ticket and won the million. He might say, "Jesus! Just imagine if I'd done nothing. I wouldn't have won the million dollars. Buying the lottery ticket made all the difference." Of course, he'd probably use a lot more ellipses, but you get the point.
And of course he's wrong. He could have being doing nothing and just happened to find $1,000,000 under his couch. Then buying the lottery ticket or doing nothing would have made no difference. HE JUST DOESN'T FUCKING KNOW.
And of course, you didn't think about any of this. You just half remembered Robert Frost's much better poem and lifted the line whole. Well get this, buddy:
Robert Frost didn't say "Taking the road less traveled made all the difference"; He said, "I'll say, 'Taking the road less traveled made all the difference', because I'm a bum."
You said, "Doing nothing made all the difference." Do you get the distinction? I bet not.
As regards your aboveposted comment, you're dangerously wrong. Please, please for the love of God give it up. And answer my fucking questions or I'll whemy you into nonexistence, I swear.
Love, zodiac
Thanks for the kind response to my piece.
Love,
Doug
And don't you ever suspect you might just be too lazy to
1) accept that the world is an illusion, and a disciplined pursuit of enlightenment through fasting and meditation is the only way to Paradise (a la, a real Buddhist)? AND,
2) accept that Jesus Christ, either by death or example, saved humanity from primal sin, and God-love and emulation through self-sacrifice and otherwise good deeds are the only ways to Paradise (a la, a real Christian)? AND,
3) accept that the saving action of humans regularly acting somewhat decently toward other humans is the only thing keeping us from extinction (a la, a real Humanist)? AND,
4) bother about the level of clarity and discipline required in attaining some zen-like state?
In short, total bum. You could be sitting on your couch in your underwear watching Happy Days and call yourself a 'Buddhuist-oriented Christian Humanist who would like to be in a Zen state of perpetual "letting be."' It sounds like something people say while beating or ignoring their kids, which is the worst thing people can do and makes angels cry.
As regards being too big to answer my questions (as that's surely how you see yourself,) the fuck you are, running around the internet begging for anybody you can find to tell you no, it ISN'T a sin for you to get off by whemying. Pal, the person who does that is not too big for anything. You left your shame at the coat check, now answer my fucking questions.
12) Does it ever bother you that the only way you can go through life without your head exploding is by refusing to answer any point that bothers you or contradicts your Neo-Christian-Super-Zen Knockingism or whatever? Oh, no, wait. That would only be if you allowed yourself to answer one of those nagging questions. Well, good work, buddy!!!!!!!!1!!!!1!!1!1!1!!!!1!!!!!!!!!
Love,
zodiac
PS-To answer YOUR questions: No, no one else does it except you. Yes, it is a sin in every sense of the word. Yes, your also gay. -SHAME-
As you reqested, here are the answers to your fine questions.
1. I earned my doctorate at Utah State University in Logan, Utah in 1976. My Ph.D. dissertation is entitled: Religious Orientation and Meaning in Life, and it is 234 pages long.
2. Christian Humanism.
3. I don't know. I guess I simply have an inability to do so, that is I have an inability to feel so crippingly ashamed.
4. You are absolutely correct as no one can know how life would have been if they had somehow chosen differently.
5. Perhaps not...... but I'll check back and see.
6. Yes, call the Library at Utah State University and ask them if it can be made available to you.
7. No, I am not gay..... as I am 100% heterosexual. Not that this provesthe point, but I am and have been married for the past 38 1/2 years and have a son who is 30 years old.
7A. Yes I do........ It means (without cheating and looking the definition up in the dictionary) I believe....... the fact of something "being everywhere" as, for example, the smell of a perfume could ubiquitously fill a room with its scent.
8. Each Ph.D. is likely to do their own thing..... these things , I would suppose are my things, things I have personally chosen to do.
8A. I, as yet, have no website of my own.
9. I have chosen not to blender my own arm, but you may blender your arm if you would like to. However, I would suggest that it would not be a good idea to do so.
10. I suppose that others (even though they do not have a Ph.D. degree) simply have more talent writing poetry than I do. But that is fine because, I believe that I am doing the best that I can.... and it does not bother me if other's do not like my poetry.
10. Even though, as I indicated earlier, I am not "colosally gay" I am sure that it must seem "just plain sad" to you that I keep coming back to poemranker ...... even though there is little doubt that each and everyone of my poetry writing efforts will be, as you say, "trumped."
I sincerely hope that these responses will live up to what you expected of me in the sense of respecting the right to have each and every one of your questions answered in a reasonable manner.
The best to you, and I sincerely hope that you are having a very nice Christmas and New Year's Holiday.
Your friend in the name of love and peace,
Doug
1) Your university let you get away with a dissertation called "Religious Orientation and Meaning in Life"? No offense, but that sounds like an Exit Essay by a rather precocious 8th grader.
1a) Did you write it in the seventies, or are you a latecomer to grad school and New Agey gobble?
2) Bunk. I know because I'm a Christian Humanist from way back and you're nothing like me.
3) What did you call yourself before you were Doug Soderstom, Ph.D.?
4) Regarding your #4 above, will you be deleting this poem now?
5) I live in the Middle East. Is there any way you can just scan your dissertation and post it on the net? Barring that, can I see highlights? Even the abstract would be killer.
As always, your friend in Christ,
zodiac,
M.A., B.A.^2, CPR, LG, BD, PCV, SCA, visiting lecturer on Islam Retardation at the Al-Karak Center for Self-Care and Care, Waseya, Jordan
2 Jan 2005
1. No it was a very finely done dissertation...... It took me four years and 234 pages to complete.
1A. No the dissertation was completed the late spring of 1976, and then I received my Ph.D. degree a month or so later.
2. Very interesting, I guess even Christian Humanists are human beings with a resonable degree of individuality (individual differences).
3. Gerald Douglas Soderstrom (minus the title, of course).
4. No definitely not, but I will soon be posting a new poem entitled, "This Thing Called War." Look for it as I would be pleased to hear your comments.
5. Are you serious about living in the Middle East? Here is an abstract that I found that summarizes the essence of the dissertation study that was published in The Journal of Clinical Psychology back in 1977:
Soderstrom, Doug and E. Wayne Wright. 1977. "Religious Orientation and Meaning in Life." Journal of Clinical Psychology vol. 33, pp. 65-68.
Abstract: Tested the general hypothesis that a mature religious commitment should aid youth in their search for meaning in life. A questionnaire was given to 427 college freshmen and sophomores in 6 midwestern colleges. Results indicate that intrinsically motivated Ss, committed Ss, and true believers had significantly higher Purpose in Life Test mean scores than did extrinsically motivated Ss, uncommitted Ss, and unbelievers. The results also indicate that religious integration (moral commitment paired with spiritual commitment) is indicative of meaning in life. It is concluded that a mature religious commitment should aid youth in their search for meaning in life. [Source: PI]
I hope that this answers your questions to your satisfaction.
Your Friend in Christ,
Doug
re: your abstract. You remind me of the study I did in my undergrad years concluding that Intrinsically-Gay Gays, Commited-Gay Gays, and Truly-Gay Gays scored markedly higher on a Gayness Test than Casually Gay Gays, Only-Seemingly-Gay Gays, and Total-NonGays. We also noted that Gays often (but not always) tended to describe their lives as "Generally Gay".
I beg to differ about the percentage of American college professors that can be classified as liberal...... the true amount is 92.47%. And only 8.39% are gay, however, the percentage rises to 17.42% if one includes those who have engaged in a bi-sexual experience more than 69 times. However, these are simply crude estimates.
Love,
Doug
However, you are the only one who whemies.
Well..... considering that uberfaulty is a "protypical undergroup," that is, a group that has continued to be under-rated (as well as under-valued), the mean must then be protracted by adding to it a mathmatical value that is equal to approximately .287 times the square root of the atypical standard deviation of the group assuming that the group is, of course, in a state of rest. However, if any of the above assumptions are violated, then all bets would be off. So my best guess would be somwhere between 11.932% and 14.617%.
Doug
I like your theoretical proposition concerning "the gay stuff." Sounds like a good idea for my next study. And by the way how did you know that I am "a moonlight hiker.......," you've been checking on me, I'll bet.
Love,
Doug
And no, I just guessed you were the kind of person to volunteer as a moonlight hike organizer.
Yes, I am serious! And, of late, I have been whemying off into the moonlight quite often. In fact, I did so only the night before last an had a "major uberfaulty accident." I guess my timing was "a bit off." Kind of a "major midnight explosion" one might say. A real mess no doubt, but that is, no doubt, the risk one must take when whemying in the moonlight.
And yes, it all did occur on a moon light hike that I had organized..... one that was at the time under my supervision....... not to say that it was all very embarrasing..... to say the least!
Doug