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Mallard (Free verse) by richa touching its plumped tail with a paddle
was an undeliberate thrill.
to navigate this pond
in a wooden box of a boat, can try.
the lob of a crust to break the water,
an ear of bread trimmed from a sandwich,
an offer that upturns a beak's chimera.
Up the ladder:
We Were Burnouts
Down the ladder:
She washed over me
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 9.0
Posted: December 21, 2004 3:49 AM PST; Last modified: December 21, 2004 4:38 AM PSTWeighted score: 6.0757656 Overall Rank: 1167 Comments:
[10]
Lifeboatman @ 203.104.94.2
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21-Dec-04/4:39 AM
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Reply
good.. 10.. I'm having duck tonight
We share a poetic bond; much respect.Boom shaq a lacka
I'm having jackass (smile)-8-
The first sentence is good, except what have you against capitals?
Chimera seems too grandiose for a duck's beak. "can try" meaning to try patience or ability, I suppose, seems clumsy. "ear of bread" may be a Briticism. If so, okay.
Dovina blacksoul is a rich little brat. he likes making comments like that until you start talking about them stick people he be painting
Felicia you did'nt have to log in on me, but any Dovina go to www.leroy campbell.com and tell me what you think of my stick men. better yet my paintings.
I try to make my own conclusions without reading the other comments, but I share Dovina's unease with "chimera".
Having trouble with the disparity it implies, because I don't see it in the action. And the only link I see with the beak is with the color partially matching the flames breathed by that mythical beast - but that is a longshot at best. Fire/Water disparity?? - I actually wouldn't be too surprised if *you* were going for that (and that is meant as a compliment). Otherwise, its a soothing piece. Mellow with an interesting but not startling turn. "plumped tail" is very nice. Don't know what would work better than "lob", maybe "float" for several reasons you can probably see for yourself. But lob works well too.
I got lost, what "disparity" does chimera imply?
Welcome back.
I thought it implied, at its most general, a combination of two or more things that seem strangely combined. That's what I meant by disparity.
It can also be a beasyy that is part lion, part goat and part serpent that, oh by the way - breathes fire. I've been kindof waiting since my original post for someone to say "Hey stupid, it also means 'orange'", or something else, but it hasn't happened. Meanwhile I've looked around and I can't find any other descriptor/meaning for chimera that helps me otherwise out. You got something?
Pretentious buncombe. What I meant to say was the frown and smile are part of the duck beak's same rigid pose.
Oh, I didn't get that. And don't be so hard on yourself, happens to all of us.
The part I took issue with is "disparity". It struck me that chimera means something not necessarily disparate - that in fact it's almost certainly not. Now I'm not so sure. Rather, only a little ashamed of myself.
It's that whole dictionary.com thing again. Bastards think they know everything.
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