Replying to a comment on:
Mallard
(
Free verse
) by
richa
touching its plumped tail with a paddle was an undeliberate thrill. to navigate this pond in a wooden box of a boat, can try. the lob of a crust to break the water, an ear of bread trimmed from a sandwich, an offer that upturns a beak's chimera.
Dovina
21-Dec-04/10:32 AM
The first sentence is good, except what have you against capitals?
Chimera seems too grandiose for a duck's beak.
"can try" meaning to try patience or ability, I suppose, seems clumsy.
"ear of bread" may be a Briticism. If so, okay.
Track and Plan your submissions
;
Read some Comics
;
Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001