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We Were Burnouts (Free verse) by jessicazee
My first real album was The Cars which you gave to me in seventh grade outside the Home Ec room where I sewed my own robe. I just got kicked out of the Latin Ladies, the gang of female Latin Kings, (little sisters and cousins of men with tattoo tears) when you found out I was white. It was almost my birthday, you wore really a lot of eyeliner and I think you smoked weed way before I needed a bra. When I went to your house; it was an apartment, which I had never seen before and I was a little scared. You rolled up a tiny joint in a Tampax wrapper. Which was cool, I guess, on your porch, twelve, fresh and there. Missy Marquez showed up, with her boyfriend Bobo. I couldn’t believe they stole your pot, which was really your mom’s, stolen from her drawer. We walked to the Yum-Yum Stop for twist cones with crunchy sprinkles, the last night of St. Lucy's carnival, Tilt-a-Whirl, swings spinning in high circles. You ditched me at the bake sale but I found you behing the Port-a-John making out with Frank Bodnar, his blue Izod polo shirt was clean, smelled like Downy and a basement nobody used. Your wrote your name “Kristina” on my hand with a smelly marker, “Kristina Loves Frank” then “Go home Jessica”

Up the ladder: Mallard
Down the ladder: She washed over me

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Arithmetic Mean: 9.0
Weighted score: 6.0757656
Overall Rank: 1166
Posted: April 16, 2005 9:41 PM PDT; Last modified: April 16, 2005 11:05 PM PDT
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The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:

zodiac, Landon2

Comments:
[10] zodiac @ 212.118.19.111 | 17-Apr-05/5:55 AM | Reply
You're really getting very good. The loose parts in the middle are made up for by that amazing last sentence.
[9] Dovina @ 69.175.6.101 | 17-Apr-05/9:45 AM | Reply
Some spelling mistakes in the last few lines.
[9] INTRANSIT @ 204.110.228.254 | 17-Apr-05/12:56 PM | Reply
I like it but I can't seem to make the dead mans curve in it. I may be too slow at the wheel today.
[10] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 4.224.24.206 | 18-Apr-05/11:16 AM | Reply
I'm just going to be worthless and say I enjoyed this.

<3 Jason
[n/a] jessicazee @ 152.163.100.195 > thepinkbunnyofdoom | 27-Apr-05/1:18 AM | Reply
thanks for reading & replying. I have been working very hard writing lately & it's nice to know people respond. Meow.
[7] Wakeboarder20 @ 67.183.147.217 | 13-Sep-05/10:49 PM | Reply
Pretty good. Needs to be structured a little though. Some grammatical errors. But overall, different and well written.
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