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The Snowcone Man (Acrostic) by Zalev Heading to and from school I'd see him
Everyday on the corner of Western and Division streets
When I pass him he would wave ever so slightly
Always the merchant, I thought with a smile
Snow cones salesman to the end
Many kids would line up, yelling flavors
"You want to buy one," he'd yell at me from time to time
Didn't he see my torn sneakers?
And my hand-me-down clothes?
Dead now is the snowconeman. He took my smile.
Up the ladder:
10. O Father, Where Art Thou?
Down the ladder:
tuesday
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.5
Posted: January 4, 2005 6:57 AM PST; Last modified: January 4, 2005 8:57 AM PSTWeighted score: 4.976287 Overall Rank: 8226 Comments:
It's hard to make everything fit into an acrostic, so a won't complain too much about the relevance of torn sneakers and old clothes to his giving you a snow cone. I agree with Shuushin, it's a good acrostic. Try "Snow cone" in line 5 and "Death is my smile and the snowconeman."
Make that, "Dead are my smile and the snowconeman."
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"Death took the snowconeman, and my smile." -
or "Death took the snowconeman and he took my smile." - something like that?
and try "You want buy one?", he'd..." (should at least be in quotes).
Either way, nicely done, and an acrostic to boot.
"Death took the snowconeman, and my smile." -
or "Death took the snowconeman and he took my smile." - something like that?
I don't know... The character that took my smile was my dad, as opposed to "Death" ... or is it the same thing. lol
I would need a few more suggestions, but you bring up a good point.