poemranker ::Poem #9 by katinchina

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Free verse № 109537

Poem #9

by katinchina

Member since 2004 · Posted 31 Jul 2004 · 1 comment

On the tracks of the train The sides of the mountain Bursting with green lush Dotted villages busy with life Air fresh and pleasant The rain pelting the land with hope Right here in a ditch on the side A man lay awkwardly and died The train moved and the rain stopped

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mean 3.50 weighted 4.93 rank 9238 views 104 View voting details →

2 votes so far. Yours would make 3.2 votes so far

1 comment

[7] Shuushin 1-Aug-04/2:04 PM Reply
a prepositional phrase slugfest. Should you try to cut down on that one thing, your poems will be better for it.

I want to use my other standard line about showing not telling, but then I'd start to sound rude. Can't have that.

I like the idea, btw, of painting this generic but lovely picture, then exposing a specific memorable element - but the rest of this is distracting me.