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Poem #9 (Free verse) by katinchina
On the tracks of the train The sides of the mountain Bursting with green lush Dotted villages busy with life Air fresh and pleasant The rain pelting the land with hope Right here in a ditch on the side A man lay awkwardly and died The train moved and the rain stopped

Up the ladder: Heartburn
Down the ladder: Fall of the goblet darlings

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Arithmetic Mean: 3.5
Weighted score: 4.928861
Overall Rank: 9133
Posted: July 31, 2004 8:23 PM PDT; Last modified: July 31, 2004 8:23 PM PDT
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Comments:
[7] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 1-Aug-04/2:04 PM | Reply
a prepositional phrase slugfest. Should you try to cut down on that one thing, your poems will be better for it.

I want to use my other standard line about showing not telling, but then I'd start to sound rude. Can't have that.

I like the idea, btw, of painting this generic but lovely picture, then exposing a specific memorable element - but the rest of this is distracting me.
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