Re: Paid In Full by NoSage	16-Jun-04/7:33 PM
father's day?
Re: Origins by Doug	18-Jun-04/4:24 AM
The only complaint I have, and its more of an observation - is that the players seem somewhat arbitary. I mean why not "Desperation" or "Futility" or "Esctacy" (etc.)? The title alone doesn't serve well enough to establish the setting.
regarding some deleted poem...	18-Jun-04/4:25 AM
That is better.
Re: 0 by MacFrantic	18-Jun-04/4:27 AM
what is "Oh snap" mean?
Re: Navy Pier by Doug	19-Jun-04/9:00 AM
Hey doug, this has a very honest feel to it. Let me pick at it a bit too, hopefully focusing on things you might use in other poems. the word "can" just takes up space, really it does't convey anything except as a noun. And "still" - same thing. LEt me give you one more thing to think about. This saying you hear LMich and actually using the word "hear" - also not a big value adding word in this context. Suppose you had done instead Lake Michigan soft and stoic, cobalt breakers lilted Beer Garden breezes ... [etc.] See, the same thing is conveyed but without the burden of those words; it's [I hope] more showing than telling. Why make the reader work if they get nothing in return? But even without that stuff, this still has a very sweet feel.
Re: Sonnetias by MacFrantic	21-Jun-04/5:54 PM
L4 try: "A craving deepened by our thoughts of past" L9: "Just ask again and you'll encounter scorn" not too shabby, not too shabby at all. An extra bit for a sonnet.
Re: 5/22 by aburiedlife	21-Jun-04/5:55 PM
one of the better free-form pimples in a while.
Re: Drunk and Fucked Up by wilco	21-Jun-04/5:57 PM
great hook with seranade I don't like the verb agreement here: "Shake the spiders from my mind and let it eat me up inside." I know that you could mean "it" is something else, but its not intuitive - save the trouble of deciphering and make the quantities agree, imho.
Re: Rosalía de Castro: When I was born by Sasha	21-Jun-04/6:00 PM
what you think about using "spake" instead of "spoke"? I think "daggar" s/b "dagger" unless you a punning a character (it could happen!) nice one.
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Jun-04/6:02 PM
It is clearly a retelling of the risen Christ, and well told.
Re: Quiet, Kind Hills by Dovina	21-Jun-04/6:03 PM
nice to see "ringforts"
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Jun-04/6:04 PM
As I am a lesbian trappen in a man's body, I can understand your plight.
Re: Time Imperfect by MacFrantic	21-Jun-04/6:10 PM
Mac-Daddy-Fan, nice job. I wouldn't mind seeing a version that is less of a series of snapshots, less list-like. should "bearing" be "baring" as in exposing themselves? So, although I'd prefer a bit more flow, these ideas leave some solid impressions anyway.
Re: Center Of The Universe by Dovina	21-Jun-04/6:15 PM
That last line... I was thinking that if you want to keep it, maybe saying a specific kind of bug would add quite a bit. Like "a stinkbug"; "no matter, it was only a stinkbug"
Re: On the Discovery of Simple Sam and A Russian Catastrophe by MacFrantic	21-Jun-04/6:19 PM
Quite nice, both.
Re: Worlds Worst Poem by Brittanyy	21-Jun-04/6:24 PM
definitely not the world's worst line B: "Now she's getting jealous cuz Im sleeping in your shirt." There is something universally appealing about a woman in a man's shirt. fourth stanza rocks - I think it should be the last one (kill the last stanza).
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Jun-04/6:35 PM
hey! this is a very good idea with the hands of the clock physically pulling lovers apart - Its such a good idea that you should form it in at least a dozen ways and pick your favorite to do it justice. Right now, without sounding too harsh I hope, it just sits there happy on the merit of the idea - imagine the impact it would have if said more poetically?
Re: Bankruptcy by INTRANSIT	21-Jun-04/6:40 PM
heheh - this is good.
Re: Johnny by MacFrantic	21-Jun-04/6:44 PM
I seem to be late and lone in my opinion, but this was effectively captivating.
Re: I Shall Fight by Torok	22-Jun-04/1:26 PM
I like this (well, no crazy about the lowercase "i"'s) - for me it stays on the right side of honest introspection.