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Center Of The Universe (Free verse) by Dovina When I think how each small life
Feels itself the center of the universe,
How sunshine, rain, or food is good or bad,
Depending on need,
How conditions carry different meanings,
For each thing that lives,
I fill with wonder and despair
At how the world ends
A thousand times a minute.
If I crush an insect,
The sun is blotted out,
The stars fall,
The earth is shattered,
For ever and ever.
The universe ceases to be
For that living thing.
But of course it was only an insect.
Up the ladder:
Mommy, why does -=DarkAngel=- use 'an' so much?
Down the ladder:
Luke Hanney's 43rd Dream
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Posted: June 20, 2004 7:50 PM PDT; Last modified: June 20, 2004 7:50 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.986614 Overall Rank: 99 Comments:
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MacFrantic @ 198.81.26.16
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21-Jun-04/1:01 AM
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Excellent, cruel, biting ending makes this work. Would've liked to see it split up though, and the last line should have a comma. *8*
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Dovina @ 24.52.157.176
> MacFrantic
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21-Jun-04/4:49 AM
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Cruel and biting - the spice of life. And yes on the comma. Thanks.
[10]
francis nor capule @ 210.23.227.51
> Dovina
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21-Jun-04/5:47 AM
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futility always fascinated me...
I fill with wonder.
Too much telling, not enough showing.
an understandable comment to be sure, because now, didn't we all like the pretty graphs in our textbooks better than our professors lectures? honestly though, i think the poem puts forth its messure clearer through 'telling' than it might've otherwise
Jesus. That's the dimmest observation ever.
It's not as empty-headed as the legions of comments saying "show don't tell". People just see other people writing "show don't tell", then think it sounds catchy and wise, then end up smearing it everywhere themselves. It's a disease.
The rule that "each small life Feels itself the center of the universe," while a generally good one, probably does not apply to insects, mollusks, or the aboriginal races.
As a fellow human, I can assume that it applies to all races. As a fellow mamal, I see it in dogs. Insects might be a stretch, but I don't think so.
That last line...
I was thinking that if you want to keep it, maybe saying a specific kind of bug would add quite a bit. Like "a stinkbug"; "no matter, it was only a stinkbug"
Thank you, I might just do that. We all put up a stink of sorts.
I like the thinking behind this but in liu of changing insect in the last line, I would change it in the line "If I crush an insect" to read If I crush a stinkbug or whatever. That would give the person reading something to visualize and, I think, drive your point home more clearly by stating "It was only an insect.
Good idea, maybe: "If I crush an insomniac word twiddler,"
And end the poem with: "No matter, it was only a poet."
I loves it.
Blobby blob
How true is your observation. We tend to view the
world from a very narrow and self-centered position. All things are inter-related and connected but this fact is largely unconsidered. Even an insect should be left alone if it is not bothersome. Well done.
Thanks for your comments. I don't try to save insects, but, illogically, I like whales and sea turtles. It's about inate selfishness and the comedy of importance each of us assumes or must accept, or is trapped into its service.
That's not illogical.
What's illogical is your ill-considered notion that all animals are equally deserving of life, whatever their aesthetic value, which you've already refuted by pointing out that you're drawn to save cute animals such as whales, puppies, baby seals, and young Aboriginals, but not ugly ones like insects or adult Aboriginals. Is it not more likely that endearing animals are simply better-equipped to survive in a human-dominated world than non-endearing ones are, and that all this nonsense about saving the ugly ones not only reeks of all the worst aspects of communism, but is also a MAJOR FLOUTING OF GOD'S IRON LAWS OF NATURE???!
"All animals are equally deserving of life." That is my notion, you say. Nay, my good sir, all animals think they are deserving of life, except some humans. The poem is not a political statement, as I am so often praised, but a look at the universe through insect's eyes.
No it's not. And if it were, you would still be making the same point, only worse.
I think the point you think I am making is not the point I make.
Would you say that all animals, including yourself, which believe they deserve life do, to some extent, deserve life?
Yes, to some extent, sometimes, but that's not what the poem is about.
I should say not. In fact, if I were forced - at gunpoint, maybe - to say what this poem is 'about', I'd say it's about a person killing an insect, which is about the only sensible answer I can think of.
Could you not reach into the insect's mind, and see that my killing it ended all perception the insect had, however little, ended the universe as far as that insect was concerned. Of course it was only an insect, and nothing can be implied about turned tables, about life after death, about my ability to answer you after my death, or to even perceive you. Of course you could. And I knew a poet who would.
No. I couldn't. At any rate, you've got this whole conversation horribly wrong - to say nothing of your ideas about the universe, insect life, or what good poetry is 'about'. I never said this poem was about believing all animals are equally deserving of life; I just assumed you'd think something like that - and you do.
What's more, saying a poem, story, or nearly anything else is 'about' one thing or other is silly to the max. The only context I could imagine in which two people might reasonably be talking about what something is 'about' is some casual conversation, most likely simply for the purposes of identification, i.e.: Chad: Have you read "Center of the Universe" by Dovina? Brad: I don't remember. What's it about? Chad: It's about a person stepping on a bug. Brad: Oh, right. No. In short, I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut you off here. No hard feelings. -zodiac PS-What's with saying "I knew a poet who..." all the time? Is that a... JIBE???!?
That poet would see past the trivia, would occasionally notice the value, even comment on the worth, i.e.:
âI can't think of how to re-word it, though. Sorry I can't be more help; it's a cute little rhyme.â âSome of this is really nice. The rhythm, though, is so almost-regular it really hits you where it's not. Other than that, good.â ââTo so confuse the daffodilsâ would be better said âThat so confuses daffodils?â Otherwise, swell. 10â âI think the clinical sound of 'goal' is great.â âIt's a companion piece for richa's dandelion clocks, maybe - and heavier on the Darwinism, which is ace. âSeeds are the goalâ is the best description of flowers I've read in a long time.â âI'm reversing myself. Clothes is fine, but you need an extra syllable or two: âThe best art only clothes the truthâ would do.â I miss that poet.
I enjoyed this piece (esspecially the conclusion). 9
Thank you. It's the very part they all complained about.
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