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Bankruptcy (Free verse) by INTRANSIT The lion looms
his panting tongue
hangs deadly
dri
p
dri
p
Up the ladder:
factor me out
Down the ladder:
ONCE
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.5
Posted: June 17, 2004 4:39 PM PDT; Last modified: July 19, 2004 3:04 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.6723537 Overall Rank: 2030 Comments:
[10]
thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 216.196.147.70
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17-Jun-04/7:07 PM
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Reply
So much said, so few words word.
heheh - this is good.
i am not entirely sure, but i don't think that the word "loom" can be used as a transitive verb. perhaps move the word loom to the first line or use a comma.
this goes well with part 2, and is pretty good, and even a bit funny.
I liked the wordplay but it did seem as though I was sitting beneath a loom while the lion weaved his tongue into a throw rug.
had to kill it.
Much better. Ten.
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