| Re: Bugs by INTRANSIT |
9-Jun-04/4:11 PM |
Many shades of red - so many.
Regardless - very well said.
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| Re: The daisy-chain girl by richa |
10-Jun-04/6:00 PM |
"do like [we do]"
the verb "to be" is a bit overdone here, R.
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| Re: The Ocean Prefers A Sunset by wilco |
11-Jun-04/4:47 PM |
nice word caryatids.
I like this - I think it would be better for the killing of some of the small words (the conjuctions and little preps - but I often say this).
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
11-Jun-04/4:50 PM |
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I like haggard/swaggered and the pun with drug and undertow.
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| Re: fire has its own logic by impert&ent |
11-Jun-04/4:53 PM |
"interiority of computers" - interesting.
Some fresh ideas here, but the form is hurting it imho; got me thinking on it.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
11-Jun-04/4:56 PM |
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The nuance of the spanish is lost on me, but I do like the sentiment (and I know you've spent a fair amount of time tweeking it - no, that's not a euphamism :).
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| Re: Fool by arduinn |
11-Jun-04/8:26 PM |
Wow. This one is getting lots of traffic, isn't it? Never a bad thing.
I'd like to see this expanded; fleshed out a bit - and it will be better for it.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
11-Jun-04/8:54 PM |
Well IT, I like very much the use of cycloptic with the train - that feels fresh. But the billowing black smoke hasta be left at the station (get it! I make JOKE).
And not sure about click clacking cackophonic... doesn't seem to quite fit in this form.
Have a supremdreamer blessing of eight (at least until you quit blowing smoke).
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| Re: Untitled 48 by TLRufener |
12-Jun-04/8:16 AM |
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Ahah! I know what it is! it is a "riddle". Or it could also be a pen.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
12-Jun-04/8:23 AM |
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Dan, how many times do I haveta vote for this?
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| Re: Lost by arduinn |
12-Jun-04/8:44 AM |
This would be better for a verb tense sweep.
"Often I sit alone and wondered"
"What does he has that Dad didn't?"
stuff like that.
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| Re: Big wave by DR Limerick |
13-Jun-04/2:45 PM |
There once was a woman from Taigan
Who drew one hell of a floorplan
She met a man by shore
Though she found him a bore
He paid her again and again.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
13-Jun-04/2:47 PM |
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| Re: Hiding by QuirkyWonder |
13-Jun-04/2:50 PM |
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| Re: The Stickmen of Fools by embersandenvelopes |
14-Jun-04/10:12 AM |
Reads fairly well - not entirely sure what it's about though. Feels like a venting somehow.
I like this idea of pouncing on something then the pouncer suffocating.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
15-Jun-04/10:11 AM |
cute. Yeah, I think it would be fine without the first 3 lines.
It doesn't need the Usama hook, really.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
15-Jun-04/10:15 AM |
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Good use of the form. Think it could mean alot of things other that van gogh (even lots of painters) - and that takes away from it a little.
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| Re: Thin Blood by Rodavlas |
15-Jun-04/10:19 AM |
take the second half of the second verse and put the rest back into the word-pile.
And the last line could work too - just the idea of it; toasting bodyparts.
could make a memorable song - but not another suicide note.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
15-Jun-04/10:23 AM |
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its like they have their own little mind, isn't it.
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| Re: Dealer (a senyru) by Mona Lisa |
15-Jun-04/3:25 PM |
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EXCELLENT. and you even called it the right name!
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