Re: Lovely as a Lapland Night: Sort of a Sonnet by Nicholas Jones	24-May-04/8:46 AM
Interesting. Get rid of the "sort of..."; it's a sonnet. Anyone who argues that is lacking the expertise to be taken seriously. The [conjuction]: is a little distracting... what is it buying you for this cost?
Re: Silencing the Silenced by seanlb1	24-May-04/8:50 AM
Like the other; lots of idea, lots of emotion - screaming for distilation and a single goal.
regarding some deleted poem...	24-May-04/5:45 PM
So, wha tis this revel ation? de pome wants to have it.
Re: Know youself and you who are ! by firestar_2580	25-May-04/7:37 AM
yes mon. de badness of dis spelling approaches art, yet stops short of the goal and flagellates itself. (half of this thought brought to you by Sebastian de Crob)
regarding some deleted poem...	25-May-04/11:17 AM
:O(
Re: my truth by francis nor capule	25-May-04/11:26 AM
Is true, is true. [insert lenghthy diatribe about some tangentally related philisophical difference no-one will remember] I think the first person works pretty well - second person would probably not work at all... I wonder if third person would add anything?
regarding some deleted poem...	25-May-04/11:42 AM
cant - can't Your - You're the metaphors for clear are a bit simplistic, don't you think? And so many prepositional phrases, especially in the top half where you want substance - if you dump them you might find you have to do more showing, and that's not a bad thing. Maybe try the thing as third person; flesh out a character.
Re: your worth to me by francis nor capule	26-May-04/10:55 AM
pretty. What's with the spaces before commas sometimes?
Re: hoping by francis nor capule	26-May-04/10:57 AM
francis... what blinding and deafening love hath inspired this?
regarding some deleted poem...	28-May-04/10:45 AM
*very nice* "strung out on chance and cigarettes"
Re: The Bed by Fear of Garbage	28-May-04/10:47 AM
at first the numerous "it/its" gave me pause - but with that ending - sets it up very nicely indeed.
regarding some deleted poem...	28-May-04/10:52 AM
"Where I used to write letters " might better be, "where I wrote letters" or "where I once wrote letters" and that last line, hmmm - how about "and bleed once more" or something less telegraphed. other than that, as is often said - "ace". Nice tight sentiment.
Re: smokestack blues by wilco	28-May-04/11:01 AM
One of those where I'm not exactly sure what is being said, but I listen intently and am thankful for the conversation. Nicely painted.
regarding some deleted poem...	28-May-04/11:04 AM
Good stuff KA - I don't know why you got a fricken 2(?) - oh, it was from God's Wife (the East German judge of PR). Last stanza has excellent pop.
regarding some deleted poem...	28-May-04/11:11 AM
"And take with you all your bags cause me and her..." Should be "...cause I and her..." but even if grammatically correct, it is still awkward in that context - Maybe you could reword that last sentence?
regarding some deleted poem...	28-May-04/8:01 PM
Call it "unfinished"
Re: Master Takes by Angeline	31-May-04/6:18 AM
Many of the references are lost on me, yet some quick checking tells me that they are made of iron - I like the flow of it, and the sounds.
Re: Soldiers (Terzanelle) by Angeline	31-May-04/6:24 AM
A fairly rarely used form in these parts (maybe I posted one - I'll check after I write this); its a tough one. It very easily passes the "dress wearing the girl/the girl wearing the dress" test and the rhymes are smoove. did you miss the punctuation after bone on purpose? You might have. I wonder if wordsmithing "very hot" would buy you anything (other than trading freshness for pretentiousness), you've been up and down that I suppose.
Re: Dear Lord, by INTRANSIT	2-Jun-04/7:06 AM
Leaves a nice aftertaste. Some details - the semicolon/colon maybe better a dash/semicolon and maybe "I'll not be bent" instead of the rent line - something about that sequence with "lent"... perhaps work "relent" in somehow?
Re: Hollywierd by INTRANSIT	7-Jun-04/6:11 PM
I kinda liked it until it started to sound like SupremeDreamer's odd rantings - I think you've taken it up a notch, made the style more polished. Blessed with a nine.