| Re: yo by bxjay170 |
9-Apr-03/12:42 PM |
bx--it's too bad you don't care. you express thoughts that so many are feeling, but you don't care enough about saying it to communicate it well. if you want some recognition, run spell check. it shows no respect for yourself or your audience to be so sloppy.
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| Re: Hunting for a vessel by Nice guy |
8-Apr-03/5:22 PM |
this one's awkward:
Is there adequate oil
to supply the lanterns?
too many questions; yes must be the answer.
why must you always have it your way?
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| Re: a comment on the photobooth by Bill Z Bub |
8-Apr-03/5:15 PM |
okay, the reason i think it has to be clarified is because it isthe first town you mention. but it does not work so well the way you have it now. i prefer the orginal stanza, as the comma'd one doesn't flow. maybe try:
Close your eyes
in London--Ontario's a blurred dream--
and awaken in Toronto
with your cold hands on my belly.
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| Re: "Your shrimp cocktail", wide ass. by Bachus |
8-Apr-03/1:49 PM |
she wanted soft shells
for him, oreganato--
a fingerbowl, please!!
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| Re: Poemwanker is a bad bitch by Bobjim the II |
8-Apr-03/12:53 PM |
what? do you really really want a sore red one and little orange wings?
poof!
you got em.
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| Re: Phalus by Bobjim the II |
8-Apr-03/12:53 PM |
this measures about 2X life size on my screen--about 4 1/2 inches in length.
trash it, bj.
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| Re: Fraternity hazing the sheepdog by horus8 |
8-Apr-03/8:43 AM |
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| Re: a comment on Fraternity hazing the sheepdog by horus8 |
8-Apr-03/8:42 AM |
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| Re: The sky is falling by INTRANSIT |
8-Apr-03/8:30 AM |
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| Re: a comment on Fix it by Nanshe |
8-Apr-03/8:04 AM |
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a spoon for your sonnet, sir?
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| Re: and i don't even care by nolan |
8-Apr-03/8:03 AM |
and never write another cliche?
sorry, that was harsh. i do like this piece, but it stands on the other side of over-used metaphor right now. you need to channel this, and make it more personal. reinvent the wheel. make the black bird green.
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| Re: a comment on the photobooth by Bill Z Bub |
7-Apr-03/9:14 AM |
maybe i'll boycott him, but i won't censor him. it would just make him feel like what he was writing was affecting me. so i'll let him rant all he wants. either his meds will level him off, or they won't.
DAMMIT BILL! PEOPLE ARE DYING IN IRAQ SO HE CAN HAVE THE FREEDOM TO CALL ME AN INCESTUOUS CUNT! ISN'T THAT WHAT FREEDOM IS ABOUT????
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| Re: a comment on the photobooth by Bill Z Bub |
7-Apr-03/8:47 AM |
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nope. sorry. he's already been wanked, but that doesn't seem to stop him
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| Re: a comment on hard as a rock by <~> |
7-Apr-03/6:16 AM |
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h, help me title this? i'm not happy with it the way it is.
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| Re: a comment on hard as a rock by <~> |
7-Apr-03/6:14 AM |
thank you, thank you.
i assure you, the meter stop was intentional. i like to put the breaks on, now and again. i know it fucks with the meter, but it also slows the poem down enough for it to end, tightly.
i have received a lot of criticism about my uneven meter; hell, i've had a lot of rejections with that comment. maybe someday i will decide that they were right and i was wrong. today is not that day.
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| Re: a comment on the photobooth by Bill Z Bub |
6-Apr-03/9:53 PM |
um, actually, it's sublimate that means to pass from solid to gaseous state, but, sublime (as the root of the word) works well here.
yer welcome.
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| Re: a comment on the photobooth by Bill Z Bub |
6-Apr-03/9:32 PM |
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well then, how about sublime? which means perfect--as she was in your desore for her, but also because to sublimate is both to go from a state of matter directly to gas, without becoming liquid first (misc. soul/heaven interps) and also to express a socially unacceptable desire, usually sexual, in a way generally considered healthy--e.g.--you want to hit someone--you become a boxer. holy ontario, batman--look at that sublime word!
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| Re: a comment on the photobooth by Bill Z Bub |
6-Apr-03/9:27 PM |
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maybe you could say something like, "across the whole of ontario" to clue in the reader? because i'd venture to say that 90% of the people reading this are going to think you mean the london in UK, and go ,"huh?" like i did, unless you drop a clue to alert them otherwise.
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| Re: a comment on la vieja loca con los gatos by <~> |
6-Apr-03/9:25 PM |
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well, it's more about how she makes the cats her circle of friends, and less about the actual cats themselves. because, you know, apart from the narrator, there's only her and them there cats.
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| Re: the photobooth by Bill Z Bub |
6-Apr-03/9:20 PM |
but, london to toronto by train???
not perfect, if wasting.
otherwise, damn this is good.
here i'll vote. and i'll do it again, once you assuage me.
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