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and i don't even care (Free verse) by nolan
another mad man comes breaking through from so far under it was gone away from your connectable forces you need relief and comfort but i need passion and awe once again my heart takes the fall being alone isn't that bad when it is all you have ever had and i don't even care i can't lie to you it just hurts to know the wonderful thing has blown in the wind not ever finding a home we will never know the breeze never taste the rain we'll never hear the sun never touch the wind i will never witness those eyes be ignorant to all i desire as you are killing my fire

Up the ladder: ragdango
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Arithmetic Mean: 2.6666667
Weighted score: 4.72186
Overall Rank: 11883
Posted: April 7, 2003 9:57 PM PDT; Last modified: April 7, 2003 9:57 PM PDT
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Comments:
[5] Blindproject217 @ 68.38.194.4 | 7-Apr-03/10:27 PM | Reply
Try last line like this, "As you are killing me, slowly killing my fire." it has a nicer ring to it. -5-
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 7-Apr-03/11:22 PM | Reply
Now that's breaking some fucking wind. lol! asl???
[n/a] nolan @ 65.93.24.203 > horus8 | 13-Apr-03/9:34 PM | Reply
male 17 canada
[n/a] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 | 8-Apr-03/8:03 AM | Reply
and never write another cliche?

sorry, that was harsh. i do like this piece, but it stands on the other side of over-used metaphor right now. you need to channel this, and make it more personal. reinvent the wheel. make the black bird green.
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