Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

the photobooth (Free verse) by Bill Z Bub

Up the ladder: Untitled
Down the ladder: Phalus

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
10  .. 01
.. 00
.. 00
.. 01
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 20

Arithmetic Mean: 4.4
Weighted score: 4.9284782
Overall Rank: 9299
Posted: April 6, 2003 8:21 PM PDT; Last modified: July 4, 2003 7:42 PM PDT
View voting details
[n/a] horus8 @ | 6-Apr-03/8:35 PM | Reply
Great title and equally written to maintain that fact.I would of gave it a nine, but I see you are still writing it so... later i guess i might.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > horus8 | 6-Apr-03/8:43 PM | Reply
Thank you, O hoary one!
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > horus8 | 6-Apr-03/8:48 PM | Reply
Hey, don't let me stop you from voting! They're all works in progress anyway. I never quite know if I'm finished...
[n/a] -=SeTTle=- @ > Bill Z Bub | 6-Apr-03/9:11 PM | Reply
Things are generally finished when they stop sucking shit, so, yeah, I can understand that.
[n/a] horus8 @ > -=SeTTle=- | 6-Apr-03/9:19 PM | Reply
Speaking of shit suckers... I'm amazed at how you get the corn up the straw, and the peanuts out of your teeth prior to visiting the family golden hen for another hand out. that's skill. Others may doubt it, but me, I'm impressed.
[9] <~> @ | 6-Apr-03/9:20 PM | Reply
but, london to toronto by train???

not perfect, if wasting.

otherwise, damn this is good.
here i'll vote. and i'll do it again, once you assuage me.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > <~> | 6-Apr-03/9:22 PM | Reply
London, Ontario.

Not the most famous city, but it's where I hang my head.
[9] <~> @ > Bill Z Bub | 6-Apr-03/9:27 PM | Reply
maybe you could say something like, "across the whole of ontario" to clue in the reader? because i'd venture to say that 90% of the people reading this are going to think you mean the london in UK, and go ,"huh?" like i did, unless you drop a clue to alert them otherwise.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > <~> | 6-Apr-03/9:26 PM | Reply
... and as for the last line... it's true, "perfect" is one of those words I tend to use when I can't quite find the right one. It always seems to fit.
Gah! The truth revealed? Ignore that last sentence! Pay no attention to the man behind the computer! It's all a dream! Wooooo!
[9] <~> @ > Bill Z Bub | 6-Apr-03/9:32 PM | Reply
well then, how about sublime? which means perfect--as she was in your desore for her, but also because to sublimate is both to go from a state of matter directly to gas, without becoming liquid first (misc. soul/heaven interps) and also to express a socially unacceptable desire, usually sexual, in a way generally considered healthy--e.g.--you want to hit someone--you become a boxer. holy ontario, batman--look at that sublime word!
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > <~> | 6-Apr-03/9:47 PM | Reply
Hellalooyah! That's "perfect"! Mwah! I kiss your feet! Mwah! (ew!)
Thank you thankyou!

[9] <~> @ > Bill Z Bub | 6-Apr-03/9:53 PM | Reply
um, actually, it's sublimate that means to pass from solid to gaseous state, but, sublime (as the root of the word) works well here.

yer welcome.
[9] <~> @ > <~> | 7-Apr-03/8:47 AM | Reply
nope. sorry. he's already been wanked, but that doesn't seem to stop him
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > <~> | 7-Apr-03/9:06 AM | Reply
I have a cunning plan. Boycott him. Simply don't reply to any comment he makes. In fact, delete his comments on your poems. Then he can spout off in his own poems. But since I never click on his "poetry", I'll never have to deal with the punk again.
[9] <~> @ > Bill Z Bub | 7-Apr-03/9:14 AM | Reply
maybe i'll boycott him, but i won't censor him. it would just make him feel like what he was writing was affecting me. so i'll let him rant all he wants. either his meds will level him off, or they won't.

[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > <~> | 7-Apr-03/9:35 AM | Reply
I'd hardly call it censorship. If he went to your house to visit, and scribbled obsenities on the wall, would it be censorship to paint over them? Nope.
He can spout off all he wants in his "poems" or in his own commentary. But if we want to delete a comment he makes on our poem, we have every right.
It's not censorship. It's good housekeeping. That's a good thing ( <---said in best Martha Stewart impression)
[n/a] Bobjim the II @ > Bill Z Bub | 8-Apr-03/3:23 PM | Reply
I actually agree with you here. I'm a real twat, but I do it in my own time on my own poems. If people don't find me funny, they can not view my stuff. And if you don't like my comments you can delete them.

(Argh...I'm sober)
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > Bobjim the II | 8-Apr-03/3:25 PM | Reply

.vidi vici.
[n/a] Bobjim the II @ > Bill Z Bub | 8-Apr-03/3:28 PM | Reply
Your welcome.

It's not a bad poem either. Keep it up.
[n/a] Bobjim the II @ > Bobjim the II | 8-Apr-03/3:26 PM | Reply
ps. Thanks to everyone who allowed me to get my second award. If it wasn't for you, then, um.... someone else would've complained. Oh well.
[0] asimpleman @ | 7-Apr-03/8:27 AM | Reply
So we r supposed to believe this is a poem?........hahaha
[8] Crakyamuni @ | 7-Apr-03/9:57 AM | Reply
This makes me sad. It's nice to see such words to express this strange gratitude for life. Nice.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > Crakyamuni | 7-Apr-03/10:24 AM | Reply
Thank you!
[10] INTRANSIT @ | 7-Apr-03/12:08 PM | Reply
Someday I shall write as well as thee.. But for now, I'll just keep on truckin'.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > INTRANSIT | 8-Apr-03/2:12 PM | Reply
thanx my friend.
[6] poetandknowit @ | 8-Apr-03/2:32 PM | Reply
It sounds as if you are plunking both the money and the mug the way it is written. Needs a comma to separate into two thoughts or a rewrite. You lifted a casket? Or just opened the door to the booth. Again, sentence structure is confusing. I really like the final stanza. Some of the lines are quite fine, but the build up leaves me wanting a bit more and I think it is tied up somewhere in the grammar at the beginning and just a bit of wandering in the middle. But I like what is being said and the idea behind it (London is fine the way it is. If people do not know London Ontario then screw them - not you though, Z), but I think the entire poem needs to read with the strength of the last stanza.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > poetandknowit | 8-Apr-03/3:28 PM | Reply
Thanks for the feedback, goode gentlesir. But I decided to try it as London Ontario. I'll see how it goes... I'll slowly revise it, phrase by phrase.
[9] <~> @ > Bill Z Bub | 8-Apr-03/5:15 PM | Reply
okay, the reason i think it has to be clarified is because it isthe first town you mention. but it does not work so well the way you have it now. i prefer the orginal stanza, as the comma'd one doesn't flow. maybe try:

Close your eyes
in London--Ontario's a blurred dream--
and awaken in Toronto
with your cold hands on my belly.
[10] Mr Pig (again) @ | 9-Apr-03/5:19 AM | Reply
Mellifluently told ! Remember when taking on board the sound advice and suggestions given be careful not to disrupt the poignanancy you have masterfully created in here. perfection is a bridge too far, but by golly its in sight. Well done my boy on a bloody fine poem 10
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > Mr Pig (again) | 9-Apr-03/7:55 AM | Reply
(bowing low) Please, I am most unworthy, you embarass me! What hey? Don't stop! (puts hat back on head, as should an Gentleman)
Thankyou oh panegyrical one!
[n/a] god'swife @ | 9-Apr-03/9:47 AM | Reply
What on earth could I possibly say?
[n/a] god'swife @ | 9-Apr-03/9:49 AM | Reply
Except that I have missed you.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > god'swife | 9-Apr-03/9:53 AM | Reply
[n/a] dmzoacan @ | 9-Apr-03/10:00 PM | Reply
This one's actually pretty good, just remove all the "her bits" at the end (put them somewhere else). The last stanza is a touch uninteresting.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > dmzoacan | 18-Apr-03/8:51 AM | Reply
Remove her bits? A chilling thought.
[n/a] god'swife @ | 11-Apr-03/9:18 PM | Reply
Belly grabs me, and casket.
Great use of the sound in words.

black & white
stripped, and pinned.

eerie upright...

close, hide, awaken.

the way her eyes darkened.

your words are beautiful. They ring, like a peal bells, or laughter.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > god'swife | 18-Apr-03/8:49 AM | Reply
I thank you. Thank you.
You are a warm bath
on a cold winter night.
The way she parts the sea
with sculpted knee,
and rolls back
and runs fingers along
rivulets of wax
that speak of memorable nights

It's automatic.
Can't stop placing
simple words, each after another,
and sigh sadness...
There is such an immense sadness.
Can't you see it? Are you the one?
Here, let me guide your hand
to my brow,
cool against this broken field.
Sometimes I use it as a shield,
to hide from the acidic sun.

I don't know what that was
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ | 5-Jul-03/12:25 AM | Reply
**THIS POEM TEMPORARILY OUT OF SERVICE**... damnit... damn tease.
[9] <~> @ | 5-Jul-03/6:36 PM | Reply
where'd it go, bill?
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > <~> | 5-Jul-03/6:42 PM | Reply
it got et?
[9] <~> @ > Bill Z Bub | 5-Jul-03/6:49 PM | Reply
don't be shy!!tell them that NFG bought it!! go on! slather the name around!!!

[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > <~> | 5-Jul-03/6:55 PM | Reply



(hm, slathered names...)

I lave the world
in slathered leather feathers.
[9] <~> @ > Bill Z Bub | 5-Jul-03/7:00 PM | Reply
and it lathes you, cc.

lathers and laves and lathes you, alustre!


[0] TanHand @ | 5-Jul-03/7:59 PM | Reply
Didn't settle do this poem like, last year?? 0
351 view(s)

Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2020 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001