| Re: Crucifixion by Mr Pig |
26-Feb-03/8:37 PM |
two nits:
wine saturated the sponge;
you seem to be implying that judas dined on holy bread that evening.
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| Re: Resurrection (for Gods Wife) by Mr Pig |
26-Feb-03/8:37 PM |
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lowercase s in shelters, please.
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| Re: Dolly was a damn fine lamb by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
26-Feb-03/8:38 PM |
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| Re: Whales by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
26-Feb-03/8:39 PM |
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S3 is way out of place, h.
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| Re: Weep for Dead Heroes by Tascobar |
26-Feb-03/8:39 PM |
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| Re: Harry Potter and the philosophers stone by ==Doylum |
26-Feb-03/8:40 PM |
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| Re: Simple by strider1 |
26-Feb-03/8:41 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Feb-03/8:46 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
27-Feb-03/8:19 AM |
Well done.
one misspelling: reparing: unless you meant they were shaving it down again, it should be repairing.
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| Re: Threnody by Nanshe |
27-Feb-03/8:19 AM |
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| Re: The Ship by Sh|t? |
27-Feb-03/8:20 AM |
damn those orange leaves!!
however, i don't thing they are the crux of the problem.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
27-Feb-03/8:22 AM |
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an imbalance of water and fire in this poem drowns it. get some air, and look at it, fresh.
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| Re: balthazar by UnityMitford |
28-Feb-03/11:17 AM |
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well, my old pal, i see what you are saying here, and i'll not lend you my box matches, nor let you siphon my gasoline!!! i may need them myself, and nothing makes me happier than a gigantic FIRE!!!!!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
28-Feb-03/11:24 AM |
all i have to say is:
this is some fucked up shit
this is some fucked up shit
this is some fucked up shit
this is some fucked up shit
this is some fucked up shit
this is some fucked up shit
this is some fucked up shit
this is some fucked up shit
etc.
(it was supposed to be ten times, since that's all the rage around here, but i ran out of Natty, and have to grab another 30 pack before my man gets home. one black eye is enough, don't you think?)
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
4-Mar-03/10:15 AM |
i guess the act of writing is a defiance of pessimism? i don't know.
the musicians are drinking there too; and the painters, the gardeners, the doctors. let the poet here be everyman, crying:
no one can take this rosary from me; words are my cross and my salvation.
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| Re: Let Me In (I need some chaps) by TanHand |
4-Mar-03/10:44 AM |
explain, please.
is this a fetish of yours? won't you let me in? (i'm not a chap. erg.)
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
4-Mar-03/10:45 AM |
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yeah, verily. you have struck upon it. voices. i hear voices.
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| Re: The Guardian, page nineteen by Nicholas Jones |
4-Mar-03/10:48 AM |
nice one.
why not "life and death--same page"
for proper syllabel count? why break form, without purpose?
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| Re: Mens Cocks Have No Style by spank me baby yeah |
4-Mar-03/10:51 AM |
your tone changes between "there he fell' and "Is that cocks have no style'. be consistent! also: men's--apostrophe.
line "Cocks are so ugly," is unnecsessary; explicate instead of tell.
first few lines--metaphor is outstanding.
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| Re: Extra Strength Tylenol by DurtKL |
4-Mar-03/11:02 AM |
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you need a colon or the word "were" after "Her symptoms"; i'd recommend the colon, and deleting "Yet," and "So," to tighten it.
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