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Harry Potter and the philosophers stone (Haiku) by ==Doylum
Prey do tell what magik~';* spell or loutish misappropriater could weave a verse to tell the curse of poor young HAIRY BOTTER? Unfortunately being nough but knave i have no simple answer my vocal chords are old and brok i've done caught have Haiku cancer come on now, Helter skelter, Helter skelter, Helter skelter, yeah nevertheless I'll get back to the Botter He goes back to the top where he turns and he yerns and he gets to the bottom and he does in again yea yea yeah yeah Soulful sage ten time his age to fill the missing whole an alchemist limp of wrist speaks to all the flamin angels turn coal to gold? indeede my dear take one philosophers pole stuff in coelhole it helps if you are queer to this end does botter bend chutney sandwich sharer hair everywhere except round there tight white t-shirt wearer gay bum play? bend which way? The horsy or his boy? philosophers bone? he sould have known Of awful Midas' ploy Sun doth shines from behind He parts - a Silver Chair vital organs pink and pale alchmists penis pump, return mail Squeeze a nugget out my dear ***********Coming Soon************** Hairy botter and his secret chamber Where Hairy reveals his shiny secret to his ginger chutney side kick, and his ginger chutney side kicks ginger chutney side kick. *****************&**************** Hairy botter and the Furry Cup

Up the ladder: Is This Love
Down the ladder: My cousin's baby sitter.

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 55
.. 20
.. 01
.. 00
.. 00
.. 31
.. 10
.. 10
.. 10
.. 41
.. 105

Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Weighted score: 4.0000453
Overall Rank: 13380
Posted: February 4, 2003 8:07 AM PST; Last modified: February 4, 2003 8:07 AM PST
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Comments:
[5] brazen @ 68.84.225.163 | 4-Feb-03/2:43 PM | Reply
most notable correction i have to make is to change 'coal' to 'lead', for i'm sure it was a reference to the alchemy in the stanza before it, and alchemy was originally the science of changing lead to gold. i'll leave any other errors to the ranking public
[n/a] OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.10.5 > brazen | 4-Feb-03/5:52 PM | Reply
Most notable correction I have is that this is very much not a haiku.
[5] brazen @ 68.84.225.163 > OneFingerAnswer | 4-Feb-03/6:32 PM | Reply
touche....as i said, i really should start paying attention.
[n/a] ==Doylum @ 62.64.230.165 > OneFingerAnswer | 5-Feb-03/6:40 AM | Reply
oh my good sinjorge, what have i done? this IS very much not a haiku. Thanks for pointing that out! I shall change it forthwith. Oh you naughty, naughty, naughty, little trumpeter.
[n/a] ==Doylum @ 62.64.230.165 > brazen | 5-Feb-03/6:34 AM | Reply
oh my good holy ghost, what have i done? Coal and lead how could one confuse them, sorry. Thanks for pointing that out!! I shall change it just as soon as i am able!!
Please do help and show me the error of my ways
[5] brazen @ 68.84.225.163 > ==Doylum | 5-Feb-03/2:59 PM | Reply
i am just a cobblestone on the road to recovery
[n/a] ==Doylum @ 62.64.205.29 > brazen | 12-Feb-03/5:12 AM | Reply
your dear boy are the cobnut in my turtle necks voyage of discovery
[5] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 4-Feb-03/8:59 PM | Reply
"it helps YEE if you're queer" showoff. barely. I did care for chutney flicking sidekicks, but i was over that qite quickle-ry. care for a quickle?
[n/a] ==Doylum @ 62.64.221.60 > Bachus | 5-Feb-03/7:04 AM | Reply
showoff? bare-ly? Why my buffed sir I do believe it is you who doth get his mighty man nipple out for the lads 'pon the t'interweb. Are you waxed and oiled enough for a quickle?
[0] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232 | 5-Feb-03/7:55 AM | Reply
Sometimes the stream of consciousness is polluted and all the fishies wash up on the shore.
[n/a] ==Doylum @ 62.64.205.29 > Bill Z Bub | 12-Feb-03/5:15 AM | Reply
And sometimes the stream of wee runs down your leg and you get a warm contented feeling?
[10] Ranger @ 212.67.106.117 | 5-Feb-03/12:23 PM | Reply
I've not laughed this much for ages. You may have a nine, no wait, this is the best parody yet and it's not a haiku, here's a laughter filled ten!
[9] Jeremi B. Handrinos @ 24.126.113.154 | 16-Feb-03/12:04 PM | Reply
Yeak, but do you have a chinable minion that's a sloth with a moldy coat and everything? i think not.
[2] <~> @ 67.84.174.185 | 26-Feb-03/8:40 PM | Reply
my cup runneth. over.
[n/a] ==Doylum @ 62.64.238.127 > <~> | 27-Feb-03/3:35 PM | Reply
I make you wet?
[5] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.212.215 > ==Doylum | 7-Mar-03/1:43 PM | Reply
zzinnia66 doesn't get "wet". Rather, she secretes a nutrient-filled mucus from her palms and thighs when she senses danger.
[n/a] ==Doylum @ 62.64.224.4 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 9-Mar-03/2:03 PM | Reply
Is it a special unwet mucus?
A dry mucus?
As opposed to a sweet mucus?
Also did zzinnia66 sense danger here?
Why am I asking questions that you willn't answer?
You never do.
He's behind you!!
Chuck es a wagon wheel Berwik!!!
[5] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.212.215 > ==Doylum | 9-Mar-03/2:17 PM | Reply
A ha ha ha ==Doylum. You always were a feisty one. The mucus is composed of three parts trinitromethylate salts and one part human achievement. I call it "THE MUCUS OF ACHIEVEMENT"!
[n/a] ==Doylum @ 62.64.224.4 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 9-Mar-03/2:39 PM | Reply
Sack after sack of american imported rice?
Sack after sack after sack after sack of
Cheep rice
Poor country
I'm not feisty, bum face.
ACHIEVEMENT? ACHIEVE THIS dsjdi721421*******!+):@?"?"~
Thanks you for not answering my questions!
[0] Robert K Foster @ 209.68.67.7 | 7-Mar-03/7:46 AM | Reply
I didn't read it--but it is not a haiku.
[n/a] ==Doylum @ 62.64.224.4 > Robert K Foster | 9-Mar-03/1:56 PM | Reply
Yep nice one
thanks bob!
But do read it please!!
If its not to much trouble!
And comment!!
Please""3231!
[1] hipster flare @ 209.68.67.7 | 13-Mar-03/9:41 AM | Reply
what a chewy lumpo of dung. also not a haiku.
[9] lastobelus @ 213.61.217.3 | 13-Mar-03/10:24 AM | Reply
one 9 worth of delicious absurdity.
[4] DJCARTER @ 80.205.204.107 | 23-Jul-03/7:30 PM | Reply
sorry not interested
[0] sk8rs_rule_all @ 24.160.155.33 | 5-Aug-03/6:55 AM | Reply
God,. i dont even want to begin to comment on this
[10] baphomet @ 24.126.113.154 | 12-Sep-03/11:51 PM | Reply
that was stifling
like shooting a potato 50 mi
out of my brown spoke.
=;/>3char1per
[10] baphomet @ 24.126.113.154 | 13-Sep-03/10:12 PM | Reply
i love this
10
[0] cleverdevice @ 212.219.142.161 | 2-Oct-03/1:35 AM | Reply
Pure, unadulterated, feaces. I'd rather do reconstructive surgery on my penis shaft with a rusty pick axe than read this again.
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