| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
My cousin's baby sitter. (Haiku) by Bachus Sunshine was fifteen
when i popped her ripe cherry.
The sunset bled well.
Rollicking i sang
as i came, and came, and came.
Filled her up just right!
She broke two nails in my back
before i flipped her over.
Here cums the encore.
I finished her quick.
But i got dressed quicker.
Cigarette anyone?
Up the ladder:
Harry Potter and the philosophers stone
Down the ladder:
I never Knew.....
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Posted: September 9, 2002 2:59 PM PDT; Last modified: September 9, 2002 2:59 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.0 Overall Rank: 13382 Comments:
[4]
nentwined @ 192.168.0.69
|
9-Sep-02/5:26 PM
|
Reply
not really haikus. haikus "need" two contrasting images.
[n/a]
Bachus @ 24.126.113.154
> nentwined
|
10-Sep-02/9:55 AM
|
Reply
Hey nentwhistle! go back to burning man...now there's a contrasting image....../Nentwhistle likes fire/he's into the latest trends/ i wish i was hip?/
What are you trying to say here?
i'm trying to say. beware! i'm after the gold, the silver, and the slonze!
Not necessiarily.
from tinywords.com Haiku are extremely short poems written in 17 syllables or fewer, often (but not necessarily) arranged in three lines of 5, 7, and 5 syllables each. Haiku make use of concrete imagery or sensations, not abstractions or metaphors, and are often (though not always) concerned with the natural world. In our view, haiku should point to an actual, lived experience and, in so doing, evoke deep feelings in the reader. As haiku poet and author William Higginson writes, "The central act of haiku is letting an object or event touch us, and then sharing it with another."
Plus, a good number of Basho's (the main man) haikus were nowhere close to 5/7/5, but they were all under 17 syllables.
regardless of how it is categorized..which is rather unimportant in my mind..i really enjoy the subject and diction used. very nice job 9/10
Misogynistic pap.
bachus, you rapscallion!
"Filled her up just right" makes my skin crawl. (Please remind me again why I love you). Good job being creepy. The last stanza says it all.
blah balh blah blah, slightly skewed acetic comment, blah blah blah, blah blah mysterious voting system, blah blah blah blah, what d'it get, blah blah blah blah blah, the number of licks it takes to achive a shining ring. blah blah blah blah blah
Do you mean an acerbic comment? An ascetic comment would be one that's taken a vow of celibacy, dresses in sackcloth and sleeps on a stone bed.
acetic: of, relating to, or containing acetic acid or vinegar. Sorry, dictionary boy, but your vocabulary isn't quite the national treasure you seem to think.
Fair enough old boy, point taken. But acerbic still beats acetic hands down.
In what way does one word beat another word Handshandy? How? In the land of wanky words equals superfantastic joytime lovely. Acetic you get 3 points, acerbic you get 4 points? Which cowour is bes. Grewn gets 5 point wed only 3 sorry wed you the loser vis time, try again soon maybe you be a numba one.
number what? lol! yeah..oh yeah..that's exciting...why must you waste my time with your number associations...i wrote this piece to achieve the rancor i truly deserve zero's..and nothing more...it was written left handed blind folded upon your ancestors potato famished backs! have you found that famous irish viper yet? here look behind my zipper stretch....hah..that's the phalic tuber you've been digging for...lets mash it together 'pon your plumber's cracked grotto..a bit dry ..here..let me spit to reduce friction..
blah blah blah blah blah, my time is important, blah blah blah blah blah, don't forget quirky edgey writing style, blah blah blah blah blah, knowing wink, blah blah blah blah blah, turn hand to anything, blah blah blah, amusingly shaped root vegatable gag, blah blah blah blah blah, fondle enormous penis, blah blah blah, hardship and suffering, blah blah blah, spaced and wacky man, blah blah blah blah, oh yeah and, blah blah blah blah 0,0,0,0,0,4,05,07,08,10. Hurrah for Fadge
that's it. i can't resist your charms any longer. i want, ni i NEED you to come BLAH BLAH BLAH all over one of mine
I didn't take you for the jealous kind oh little warrior princess.
Sorry i can't blah all over you, i only blah on people i love and at the moment i love only handsome pete, handshandy, and bag-o-shite sorry bag-o-nails. I could pop round for a quick fondle but thats all. Besides there must be reciprocity if it is to work
i am not jealous, merely voracious and rapacious. see if handyshandy can twist you up like me; let him try. and what about my confrere, birthmark? you've forgotten us both? since you've donned those angelic beaters, you've taken up airs. you are base. come back to your own.
Thats why it hurt so, you mustn't be brutal with it its precious. You must have done it whilst i was sleeping you horror.
Handshandy would never do such a thing he has finesse and the gentle hands of a lady. Birthmark? he ner washes and therfore reeks of smells most unwholesome, i could never love such a brute. I have no companions, i have always been alone, there is no one to return to, sob, howl, gnash. Oh accursed wing, i thought with you merriment and happiness would ensue, yet you have brought nought but pain and suffering.
Why these beautiful compliments and eulogies, whatever have I done to deserve it? But what does Bachus have against the left-handed poem. All of mine are left-handed...maybe I've answered my own question
hi..z..sorry i've been neglecting you...comment deleter? i've never deleted a comment since i've been here. unfortunately. i still don't know how, nor do i think i want to...i miss ya...i've been rehearsing for the sound of music every fucking day...sucks...have no time for writing! fuck....my son is starting pre-school on monday..i'm so proud! after this fucking trainwreck musical i will be back to leave dripping lust juice 'pon your commentable figure s s s s s s s sexy.hurricane.grating.ida.jumping spider.l
now that's fucking funny. i've kidnapped the tricks bunny!
Bachus you naughty boy! The last stanza gives me the impression that sunshine meant nothing to you.
sorry h. it's tew good to be bad. but here's a cupla zero for you, nonetheless.
and again
you can only leave one, sorry. :) you can only vote on a piece once. if you vote again, that replaces the previous vote. but if it made you feel better, then fine... :)
excellent. it's like a spoonful of sugar, or one of doylum's blah blah blah. it makes me all tingly. but, question for you, k:
does it limit the vote to the logged in user, or to the ip? because (as you may have noticed) i log in from about a half dozen places, and i share all o these boxes with others. good thing joe mccarthy's not lookin' over my shoulder, eh?
both. if you're logged in, it limits by logged in user. if you're not, it limits by ip (which is the best I can do, in that case... and is the argument for disabling anonymous votes...)
Clever. 8. The second stanza is the weakest, but the final two are excellent. However young man, you're currently breaking the law by having underage sex, and have been reported to the relevant authorities already. Look forward to a lifetime of desperately shielding your arse from fellow inmates.
Charming.
Who's next?
i demand to know why this tripe isn't on the worst list? it meets all of the requirements and it has a score 0f 2.99 must it also make inanimate objects speak? must it fell another virgin forest? how long must the young woman of this beautiful planet go without revenge? vote for death by queero! vote zero. <brought to you by 'tireless' why travel on rubber? when you can go tireless, and 'rash guard' why go out with a rash? when you can just work for one?
this veers between strangely poetic and idiotically juvenile. i, personally, would like it if it went even further into juvenalia (sp), but that's me. oh, and could you make her younger in a rewrite? 15 is kind of old, don't you think?
i was twenty two and this is true, so i wouldn't want to go so 'fiction' on this piece of illegal slander, after all we are in constant fear of the reprimanders and their evil christian minions...the gallows pole..
i'm thinking she liked it just enough to smile through the cross examination and bring the jury to tears of joy...plus she's twenty three now and stripping at the purring pussing in reno and it's all Bachus's fault for corrupting her mind and sending her down that path of 'vaginal self loathing'..pray for tuna....damn him! he has toe nailed another to this cross of shame...oh ye oedipi are foul..FOUL I SAY! loving you more by the second...get ready for fourty more mp3's on the gangbox site for indecencies...submissions pending due to choice discrepincies and gangrene..new videos without superman next month... beware of st.germaine and the charasmatically uncomitted (with his side kicking sloth) and cunt whistle the magpie for the love of heckle and jeckyl...t
This is pants. Really, really pants. I'm very bored of people using sex to try and be shocking. Very tedious.
because we like to piss off fucking trite wannabe english bastards who always assume that because they are english...they have a gift of writing that precedes them..you are truly a fucking chivalrous dick. i wouldn't have a fucking pint with you if you were fiddling the queen next to me. go play with your hand puppet collection and prepare for another wet nasty winter. your pa's a calling. suewee! i wrote you a song at gangbox. com called 'gangbox'. enjoy the bike seat.
I love your casual xenophobia. By the way, pants refers to underwear, and is a generic term to mean, roughly, 'crap'. The correct term is glove puppet, and, oh, that was a joke. A bit like your poetry! Oh, the irony.
you must think i'm slow on the uptake. i happen to be coulophobic 'clown boy' and on top of it allow me to site a fact..a friend of mine and i agree that the title alone is the phenomena, and the poem itself could talk about sherbert and jaundice, and be that better off for it, but in america thyere is a secret undercurrent that chimes loud when mentioning the cousins baby sitter..that's the joke..as far as irony goes think of my puppet the next time you do the shower pud pole. perhaps we'll bound.
Um... ew.
very good job.
jubilant and detached and arrogant enough to possess a certain innocence. odd.
Well, Its a funny reflection on teen life. A little blunt and insensitive, but I guess thats us teenagers! Good
i'm actually a hundred a ninety three. cheers
such memories bachus must keep you up late at nights wide-eyed and longing....
Bachus is an undesirable loathsome wretch of a man with a very tiny mind and penis..i doubt he even remembers what he ate for lunch on a daily basis..poor cad. i fear his beak hasn't fully recovered from the beak hoof war of 1777.
not exactly a haiku but i guess it works...
cool
this is the stupidest thing i've ever read. really.
and eviltwin you should know..i heard last weak in the steam romm you gave a three day oration on the topic of "cads and why they diddle with theres and everyone elses poopers and how to properly insert the ancient staff of Yor!" yes sir evil you have your finger on the pulse of just what is and just what isn't 'stupid' these days, and that's why you have my trust and scrotismil dedication for a treat later if you'd like. really
This is one of those time ASCII art is needed.
the last stanza is way impressive
You know, I wasn't going to respond to your incredibly moronic comment. But then I saw the truly pathetic attempts at retaliation on *my* poems, and I wanted to clear something up. I do not care. Maybe, if you had any kind of writing talent, grammar, spelling, or intelligence at all, I might respect what you had to say. As it is, however, you came across as a complete idiot who was trying to strike back and gain back some of the tiny bit of ego you had in the first place. So thanks for the laugh, man.
really? i'm glad you got a laugh. you deserve many more, and i'll be the first to admit that you are the keeper of the last tid bits of what remains of my ego? could you give me little more back today i'm feeling talentless and a little down right now. to begin with i have no clue as to why you give a shit, nor why i'm even responding, eviltwin, and on top of that sir evil you're about as dark and intimidatingly accurate as a lame dwarf with a dead eye...you should perhaps..get a pen pal, and open up a line of communication with someone who actually gives a fuck.dickhead.
there there, h. any time you want someone to really trammel you, you let mistress z know. my rates are quite reasonable, and i have a cellar full of merlot.
hey baby! how are you? i don't know why i miss you? we've never met, nor has anyone left? anyway congradulations on the base ment full of merlot...did you see frida yet or punchdrunk love? something tells me that we have a terribly large amount of unusual things in common..important things.. like boobs and merlot..just kidding.anyhow some lame poet is putting the moves on my son's mother currently(one of these self published types that goes around autographing his own book and handing them out to thee overimpressionable)..so i have to go rescue her...my superman haircut justs never lets me rest. this by no means has anything to do with my persistent fascination with you. i was just thinking out loud...talk to you later. luv h.
like woah that's just wrong read my work....it might be better. and dude you make it sound like you raped her
if you change the "i"s to "she", and the "her' to "me" the magic trick wouldn't be trick now would it smashed cat? (and no one would care than either) it's the title that plays with the brains symbolic meter, and what attracts, rapist exposerss like you, huh dude? don't let your 'programing' effect your ability to alter the normal way of thinking, men are sick and dick lead, don't let the smile fool you.d
Yes please. You see unbeknownst to you it was actually a threesome!!!!
LOMG! ASL!
This is totally unacceptable and also, shit.
I'm guessing from this poem you are older than your conquest by a fair few years, in my country you would be known as a nonce. Of course I'm sure this is a fictitious poem and like your last one black buns wants to bring up some controversy. Shame it's shit and yes the English do have a God given right to their own language - you fucking fool.
465 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
