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Threnody (Ode) by Nanshe
She. There is a woman Who loves me; She keeps herself, away, away, Away for me to see or stray And nailed red, she paints herself for me. Underwater tresses like forested kelp unharvested Bronzed in the blue and lit from within But bottomless, dim, I swim In and through her swathed caresses; She. Waits and watches and keens For me, formed different within, and Sea-ing, seething, between crashings closed cliffside I dwell, sweltering in this oxygen, Peering deep beneath froth and foam besides; Excusing these, meaningless flee. She. Waits and watches for the wrong To moment the right Asserting me, she weeps, Sleeps lone and knows I loathe this Life, denied. Janus at least Saw the other side. I see My pride, These lies, and She.

Down the ladder: Tomb

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.3
Weighted score: 5.65
Overall Rank: 2121
Posted: February 26, 2003 7:13 PM PST; Last modified: February 26, 2003 7:13 PM PST
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Comments:
[9] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 | 27-Feb-03/8:19 AM | Reply
I could love you.
[n/a] Jeremi @ 68.14.26.239 | 27-Feb-03/8:51 AM | Reply
nice work. replace the 7th line's simile with metaphor. You know I am dmzoacan, Lord Ganus, orangeprawne, Settle, RGallet and Jeremi, right?
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 > Jeremi | 12-Mar-03/2:08 AM | Reply
Yeah, you're Jeremi? Why would your parent's give you a name you could never live up to? Because you paint and you drink gay frothy urine by choice, money or not.
[10] razorgrin @ 192.197.142.43 | 27-Feb-03/11:13 AM | Reply
Mighty. The Janus bit makes it amazing.
[10] wLeBlancw @ 198.81.26.167 | 11-Mar-03/9:31 PM | Reply
Amazing. 10. Who did you write this for?
[n/a] Nanshe @ 67.87.76.32 > wLeBlancw | 11-Mar-03/9:38 PM | Reply
It matters not. She is not mine.
[10] wLeBlancw @ 198.81.26.172 > Nanshe | 11-Mar-03/9:39 PM | Reply
So your mistress left the poor poet for the wealthy real estate tycoon down 3 blocks? And now you are just left with a girlfriend you don't give a fuck about.
[n/a] Nanshe @ 67.87.76.32 > wLeBlancw | 11-Mar-03/9:44 PM | Reply
No. Very different, kind Sir. Very different indeed. She is alone. She waits, still, knowing I have made my choice.
[9] INTRANSIT @ 64.12.96.46 | 12-Mar-03/9:14 AM | Reply
wonderful wordings from within.
[9] god'swife @ 209.178.178.25 | 18-Mar-03/2:32 PM | Reply
mon amie mon contre ami mon amie mon contre amie

How strange. I haven't seen this til now. I feel that if your Therody and my Underseas came to life and met they would wed and give birth to a thousand pisciform children. Slippery ominess children. Then you and I would be forced to go out in our tiny boat, cast our nets, and draw back all our weird abundance before it devoured everything in its path.
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