| Re: cacoon by whispern_smoke_wisp |
2-Apr-05/11:31 PM |
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| Re: late night delirium by not_a_philosopher |
2-Apr-05/11:25 PM |
Spell Check, Please. Verse 1 Line 2. Reread that. Actually, on second thought, reread before you post. Thats what the whole page to review before submission is all about. So that you can take a quick reread and catch the obivious spelling mistakes, i.e. "talkijg".
Other than that, this is almost more of a blog post than a poem. Look me in the eye and tell me otherwise if I'm mistaken.
"it's nice to think to yourself
that either you know something wonderful
that all else have missed"
Minus the quotation marks, thats how those lines should be broke.
<3 Jason
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| Re: Everything by RION12 |
2-Apr-05/11:07 PM |
You are boring me. V1L2 do you really mean to say, You are my weakness? I know I'm one to talk about cliches, but come one. Here is a rewrite just to give you Ideas.
You're my tourniquet
You're my medication
You make my head spin merry go round dizzy
You're everything I want
You make my devils turn to dust
You make the sky above sing a happy tune
You make this cage into a castle
You are everything I want
The trick to not boring someone to tears is keeping them interested in what you are saying. -4-
<3 Jason
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| Re: Prayer For The Church by sliver |
2-Apr-05/10:32 PM |
I won't vote because I respect the church, but I'm used to better from you. MUCH BETTER.
<3 Jason
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| Re: a comment on that sixty minutes by francis nor capule |
2-Apr-05/10:23 PM |
LOL, not really. There are better and brighter here.
<3 Jason
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| Re: a comment on Maybe Someday by Luzr |
2-Apr-05/10:13 AM |
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| Re: What I Exist For by Dovina |
2-Apr-05/2:13 AM |
As we all know I'm a sucker for decently written sappy. I love how the last verse says so much, in so few words.
<3 Jason
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| Re: education by the_poetess |
2-Apr-05/2:07 AM |
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| Re: a feeling by i_am_the_popsicle |
2-Apr-05/2:04 AM |
"the only thing better than being an understood prophet
is being a misunderstood one"
Good lines. Most of the rest has no real depth, and isn't all that inticing. -5- because it better than most of what I've read tonight.
<3 Jason
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| Re: a poem to a friend by that_funny_girl |
2-Apr-05/1:57 AM |
Heaven Help Us, poetry about Instant Messaging. Like what a totally incredibly rad awesome amazing Idea! What's next, poems about blogs and cell phone text? This reeks of Jr. High School. Good feelings to have and all, but crap for verse. -3- Because its at least poetic, somewhat, by a stretch.
<3 Jason
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| Re: Broken and Floating by camperdfl |
2-Apr-05/1:34 AM |
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Potential, but I doubt this took you more than 20 minutes to write. The first few lines are drab. The last 2 are great images, but don't run off the tongue like they should. Read a little more poetry, then rewrite this. -5-
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| Re: Memory by chocolate9009 |
2-Apr-05/1:24 AM |
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Lose alot of the spacing, and give this a little bit of rewriting. Mainly the last line. "Brick wall, Brick wall, I should've kept my pace," would probably sit better as two lines, instead on one. -6-
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| Re: Deep Thought by Dreammaker1024 |
2-Apr-05/1:16 AM |
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More of a rant than anything.
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| Re: that sixty minutes by francis nor capule |
2-Apr-05/1:13 AM |
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Thanks for the blog update. Would it kill you to use a metaphor, turn a phrase, a simile, an alliteration, or even just your imagination? Thank god it doesn't rhyme every line or other, but without even that thin excuse, this isn't a poem. There is no art here. So no vote.
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| Re: Spanish Woman by James Rykelangeli |
2-Apr-05/12:57 AM |
V4 L5 "Willow Hair". Good use of the word urticant. Although with the help of translation 3, I couldn't help but think crabs.
Your use of diapason just seems wrong to me. At first I thought it was a typo, but after a second glance, I got curious. Was there a reason for diapason, as opposed, to anything else meaning the full range? Not that it matters, but I just thought it an ill chosen word. -9-
<3 Jason
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| Re: a comment on Twilight Affair by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
31-Mar-05/2:48 PM |
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Possess I a penis. Possess you a innie perhaps? Or mayhap an outie, yes an outie, that you cleverly made an innie. I'm sure you know Jesu doesn't love you right. Outies can only go innie when your a priest, no exceptions, and never innie to yourself. Find yourself a nice little altar boy, and make sure you let the kid have a reach around, Jesu won't forgive you later if you don't.
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| Re: a comment on Almost One by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
31-Mar-05/2:37 PM |
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Gilamesh was good. Too bad I never learned how to shut up. And I think the comparison to a penis in a blizzard was highly unfair. How can my writing ever hope to compete against a penis. Much less a blizzard. The only thing I got on either of them is length(occasionally).
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| Re: a comment on A Little Further by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
31-Mar-05/2:31 PM |
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I was thinking dry, but its your opinion.
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| Re: a comment on Standing by the Sea by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
31-Mar-05/2:27 PM |
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There was alot of stones involved in this. Mostly being stoned. Imagine my suprise to ever see it in the best list. Its close to being one of my worst.
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| Re: a comment on Standing by the Sea by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
31-Mar-05/2:24 PM |
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You noticed. What do you want a cookie?
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