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Spanish Woman (Free verse) by James Rykelangeli
My mahogany woman limbs thin and smooth head like a weeping willow clothed in white cotton, she calls me up the dark stairway past the Virgin in an alcove past the world when she whispers: nosotros amantes somos ángeles de fragiliad. To the rooftop just shy of the sun among the floral heads of the vines that seek it when she holds me to her breasts all perfume and willowhair that falls over her eyes, and she confesses: prefiero la luna, prefiero la vela. The diapason of my soul is flowering tears in my eyes. Her urticant hair drapes itself about me, a veil of night and perfume. I cannot see the sun. I do not need the sun when her twin stars sing for me alone: en mi cabello es el universo del amor. (translations: 1. We lovers are angels of fragility. 2. I prefer the moon, I prefer the candle. 3. In my hair is the universe of love.)

Up the ladder: #28
Down the ladder: flying into the storm

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Weighted score: 5.119203
Overall Rank: 5929
Posted: April 1, 2005 10:02 PM PST; Last modified: April 1, 2005 10:02 PM PST
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Comments:
[9] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 4.224.24.228 | 2-Apr-05/12:57 AM | Reply
V4 L5 "Willow Hair". Good use of the word urticant. Although with the help of translation 3, I couldn't help but think crabs.

Your use of diapason just seems wrong to me. At first I thought it was a typo, but after a second glance, I got curious. Was there a reason for diapason, as opposed, to anything else meaning the full range? Not that it matters, but I just thought it an ill chosen word. -9-

<3 Jason
[n/a] James Rykelangeli @ 169.229.90.109 > thepinkbunnyofdoom | 2-Apr-05/4:58 PM | Reply
I meant diapason primarily in these two senses:
1. "a swelling sound, as of a grand burst of harmony." (OED)
2. "a rich, full, deep outburst of sound."
It's supposed to be as if a great outpouring from the soul cannot be contained in the body and must escape through the eyes in the form of tears. I also intended diapason in the sense:
3. "the whole range of tones or notes in the scale."
I thought it called to mind that her love was literally sounding the depths of my soul. But I'll still consider your suggestion. Thanks.
[9] Dovina @ 12.72.5.179 | 2-Apr-05/8:18 AM | Reply
How about: past the world, and whispers,
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