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Everything (Free verse) by RION12
You are my tourniquet. You are my infirmity. You make my imaginary thoughts go wild. You are everything I want. You make the bad things around me vanish. You make my gray skies turn lightblue. You make my pain into joy. You are everything I want.

Up the ladder: Letter Number One
Down the ladder: Fairies

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 2.3333333
Weighted score: 4.6821256
Overall Rank: 12165
Posted: April 2, 2005 5:42 PM PST; Last modified: April 2, 2005 5:42 PM PST
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Comments:
[4] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 4.224.24.176 | 2-Apr-05/11:07 PM | Reply
You are boring me. V1L2 do you really mean to say, You are my weakness? I know I'm one to talk about cliches, but come one. Here is a rewrite just to give you Ideas.

You're my tourniquet
You're my medication
You make my head spin merry go round dizzy
You're everything I want

You make my devils turn to dust
You make the sky above sing a happy tune
You make this cage into a castle
You are everything I want

The trick to not boring someone to tears is keeping them interested in what you are saying. -4-

<3 Jason
[n/a] zodiac @ 212.118.19.51 > thepinkbunnyofdoom | 3-Apr-05/4:07 AM | Reply
Still boring.
[4] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 4.225.154.152 > zodiac | 3-Apr-05/11:01 AM | Reply
What'd you expect? Me to turn shit into gold? My name isn't Midas.

<3 Jason
[3] nypoet22 @ 70.149.108.201 > thepinkbunnyofdoom | 9-Sep-06/1:40 PM | Reply
maybe it should be.
170 view(s)




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