| Re: Stop it I'm Dizzy! by Lenore |
16-Jul-02/2:35 AM |
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Love this. You know your subject matter and you're not afraid to say what you think. The structure really works and so does the whole thing (9)
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| Re: Flies by Red_is_life |
16-Jul-02/2:32 AM |
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I agree I do wear my heart on my sleeve and I think a lot of people find that quite hard to deal with in poems because im not scared to deal with the real emotions in life instead of the typical cliches of love and emotions. I prefer to deal with what im really thinking instead of being pretentious as some people on this site can be. Thanx for the constructive criticism I think more people on this site should be constructive instead of negative to everyone else.
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| Re: THE DEFENSE RESTS by horus8 |
16-Jul-02/2:17 AM |
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Do you guys at all mind if I take the thoughts back to the poem and you can resume round 2 later? Ok I really like this reads like prose but the story is really interesting I like all the bits in () which add a feeling of what exactly you think of people ion the court room. Good like it. (9)
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| Re: Office Worker angst by Adriaan |
16-Jul-02/2:11 AM |
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A little rigid but very true captures the subject well.
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| Re: stamp by Adriaan |
16-Jul-02/2:09 AM |
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The last line could be changed to get across a bigger sense of loss, at the moment it doesnt covey a deep sense of pain. Really good though first two lines really work.
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| Re: Nicotine Ruse by Red_is_life |
16-Jul-02/2:05 AM |
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I really wasnt sure about this one because my style has changed so much recently (read flies or black hole soul) and I wasnt sure what the new style comes across as. Thanx lol
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| Re: Ode to Bad poetry by unknown |
16-Jul-02/2:00 AM |
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Peace? maybe remove this it sounds really tacky, I didnt like it till i got to the end and it pulls it all together.
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| Re: thinking alike in regards to today and tomorrow by skaskowski |
16-Jul-02/1:46 AM |
I really like this poem
I think it all works really well together. The only thing i can think of is the 4 and 5th lines both end in then? maybe a change of word on one line? Love it
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| Re: How much? by T.Becquerel II |
16-Jul-02/1:28 AM |
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| Re: IT'S ONLY A JOB by horus8 |
16-Jul-02/1:25 AM |
Really like this,
Parts of it (to me anyway) remind me of a Chilli Peppers song!
not sure about 'as charon would quote' but love the rest of it! (7)
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| Re: "to do" list:accomplished by razorgrin |
16-Jul-02/1:11 AM |
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Cant see where you are going with this it sounds like something i read on the back of a t-shirt once.
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| Re: Black Hole Soul by Red_is_life |
16-Jul-02/1:08 AM |
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Look Im probably not as old as the rest of you on this site so if my poems have an adolescent theme then please forgive me for being so young.
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| Re: Midnight Delight (a sexual sequal) by crims0ngh0st |
15-Jul-02/3:02 AM |
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Too lond and quite boring to read cut out unnecessary parts to make it more readable.
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| Re: Icon by timfowler |
15-Jul-02/2:59 AM |
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Good choice of subject matter.
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| Re: Shut up and Dance by NeeMan |
15-Jul-02/2:25 AM |
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Title does nothing for the poem.
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| Re: Whispers of the Night by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
12-Jul-02/7:29 AM |
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Dark angel i think you dont ever have a clue about any of your poems what they mean I get the impression you are always taking the mick but you could be a talented poet if you put your mind to that instead of being so crass.
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| Re: WorkingDream by harrytuttle |
12-Jul-02/7:24 AM |
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Good but i dont like the end
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| Re: Misplaced Memory by DevilTmptrss |
12-Jul-02/7:23 AM |
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| Re: Black Hole Soul by Red_is_life |
12-Jul-02/7:21 AM |
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| Re: save it from the age by abecedarian |
12-Jul-02/7:19 AM |
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I really love this poem I love the images of cities crawling. Really good
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