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Flies (Free verse) by Red_is_life
They are all flies, Buzzing and dancing All around me. I am disgusted by them. They land on me, I swat them away, using harsh Uncalled for comments. They go. Then continue in their attack, Using sympathetic lies, I can see it; they try to hide it all, Behind glassy eyes. I want to be alone. They dont understand. Now I am them, And they me, I try to attract their attention Desperate for them to see my Lonliness. They are disgusted by me; As I was with them. But they are not like me, They are not lonely. I am beyond their comprehension, They cant understand me. I want them to listen. I reach out but no hand comes, no Angel disguised. They'll never understand.

Up the ladder: Quiet
Down the ladder: Best Friends

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Weighted score: 5.0
Overall Rank: 7523
Posted: July 16, 2002 1:21 AM PDT; Last modified: July 16, 2002 1:21 AM PDT
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Comments:
[8] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 16-Jul-02/2:14 AM | Reply
Well.. I'll say this. it's good to be young. Take a deep breath. You're onto something. You wear your soul on your sleeve and your heart on your collar when you write. That takes guts and a love for what you're doing. With that going for you the hard part's over. Oh.. and as for the flies...get use to them cuz they never leave and they only get bigger.
[n/a] Red_is_life @ | 16-Jul-02/2:32 AM | Reply
I agree I do wear my heart on my sleeve and I think a lot of people find that quite hard to deal with in poems because im not scared to deal with the real emotions in life instead of the typical cliches of love and emotions. I prefer to deal with what im really thinking instead of being pretentious as some people on this site can be. Thanx for the constructive criticism I think more people on this site should be constructive instead of negative to everyone else.
[9] shwenatjadeflower @ 68.12.149.5 | 16-Jul-02/11:50 PM | Reply
i like it
[3] fevriere @ 62.254.128.6 | 29-Feb-04/7:14 AM | Reply
"Loneliness" is spelt wrong. It's not poetic. Poetry is show, not tell.
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