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stamp (Senryu) by Adriaan The void inside me
an impression left by you
I can not fill it
Up the ladder:
Anfal: Our 9/11 happened many times over
Down the ladder:
Alone
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.25
Posted: May 10, 2002 5:02 AM PDT; Last modified: February 27, 2006 7:13 AM PSTWeighted score: 4.7913947 Overall Rank: 11209 Comments:
[7]
ErgoErgun @
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10-May-02/5:04 AM
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Reply
One of the better romantic haikus I've seen in a while. Good.
well no one else can...
haiku shape but not dynamic
The last line could be changed to get across a bigger sense of loss, at the moment it doesnt covey a deep sense of pain. Really good though first two lines really work.
Thanks for your comment. My intent was to convey the sense of numb loss that I was feeling when I wrote this, hence the somewhat flat last line. The experience was like a pulled tooth, where the pain of the extraction is a memory, but it still feels wrong when your tounge flicks past the gap.
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