| Re: So Simple by Audaciouslilgrl |
13-Jun-03/9:03 AM |
ahhh...youth.
Don't kill yourself.
That'd be stupid,
just too stupid
However, consider revisions that are more creative ways to kill yourself. be specific, like tying a plastic bag over your head and handcuffing yourself to a tree. They'll all think you were murdered. wouldn't that be fun?
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| Re: One Night Stand by Audaciouslilgrl |
13-Jun-03/9:00 AM |
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eliminate redundancy from title to last line. get rid of "farce" it sounds too much like fart. Otherwise, a poems go, it is ordinary. what can you do to make it more unique?
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| Re: my cat by itchiwitch |
12-Jun-03/5:19 AM |
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| Re: American haiku by horus8 |
12-Jun-03/5:19 AM |
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| Re: Drinker's Haikus 2a and 2b by cacophony |
12-Jun-03/5:18 AM |
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isn't Olde English a leather treatment or furniture polish?
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| Re: Grandma by waltfreakinwhitman |
12-Jun-03/5:17 AM |
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give a whole now meaning to "deep impact"
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| Re: Empty by KatieKaBoom |
12-Jun-03/5:14 AM |
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| Re: <Haiku> by Entelechist |
12-Jun-03/5:14 AM |
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search for something more palpable and less ordinary.
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| Re: Worst Haiku Ever by maffy |
12-Jun-03/5:13 AM |
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| Re: Hefty Smurf by Bachus |
12-Jun-03/5:12 AM |
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another good smurf haiku, but the punctuation should go away.
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| Re: a comment on Layne Staley's Sunglasses by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
12-Jun-03/5:11 AM |
ABSOLUTELY. bravo. Huge difference that adds to the impact of the poem.
P.S. I apologize about my comments being fraught with typographical errors.
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| Re: Ga-go, Part two of that same play, the suspensefull climax. by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
12-Jun-03/5:09 AM |
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I think you should've posted this to playranker.com instead.
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| Re: Jellybean Land by JoyLuck |
12-Jun-03/5:07 AM |
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| Re: Fate Sucks by Kitch |
12-Jun-03/5:05 AM |
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| Re: Goddess of the vineyard by INTRANSIT |
11-Jun-03/4:22 PM |
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powerful. lovely. grapey.
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| Re: moment in time by calilegzzz |
11-Jun-03/4:20 PM |
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a few typos, trite and stolid. I'm sure it was nice for you at the time.
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| Re: Jackanapes and smoke buttons by Bachus |
11-Jun-03/4:15 PM |
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Powerful and succinct. Nicely done. deserves a 10.
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| Re: SETTLE (as seen walking away) by Shardik |
11-Jun-03/4:09 PM |
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Glad I bought the double roll of toilet paper.
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| Re: a comment on The rock star and the ATM by Shardik |
11-Jun-03/4:08 PM |
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still off on syllables, but who's counting?
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| Re: a comment on The rock star and the ATM by Shardik |
11-Jun-03/4:07 PM |
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definitely better. 10 for you.
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