| Re: The Kiss by anastomosis |
11-Jun-03/4:06 PM |
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| Re: This guy by Jai |
11-Jun-03/4:05 PM |
it should be "you're" a contraction for "you are" not "your" which is a possessive pronoun.
after that, try some more substance, more specific details, images, etc.
click on "best" at the top and read through those. you can learn a lot here.
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| Re: The first time by Jai |
11-Jun-03/4:02 PM |
I was. thanks for spoiling it. the ambiguity has ruined the excitement. one word for you:
STOLID. look it up.
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| Re: a comment on The first time by Jai |
11-Jun-03/4:01 PM |
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| Re: He says by Jai |
11-Jun-03/4:00 PM |
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weak. it is screaming "teenager" and is so full of extra words and so lacking in images, freshness, or poetry.
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| Re: a comment on He says by Jai |
11-Jun-03/3:59 PM |
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I agree. don't forget to soak yourself in chum.
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| Re: 5 minutes by Jai |
11-Jun-03/3:58 PM |
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It reminds me of an eminem song, only without the line breaks.
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| Re: a comment on 5 minutes by Jai |
11-Jun-03/3:57 PM |
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boy oh boy you are firing these off today! nice one.
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| Re: The rock star and the ATM by Shardik |
11-Jun-03/3:56 PM |
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3rd line's a bit lacking. you had the opportunity for some punch, but you slightly missed it (not to mention syllables)
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| Re: Im Sorry by LosT SykoPath |
11-Jun-03/3:55 PM |
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The line that captivated me was "with you, you dont know jack". It's just so pure.
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| Re: Dream Girl by LosT SykoPath |
11-Jun-03/3:54 PM |
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| Re: -none by LosT SykoPath |
11-Jun-03/3:52 PM |
what is "unbareab"?
cliche:"like a gunshot"
A lovely poem about a middle aged man with scissors. is it modeled after Boo Radley from To Kill a Mockingbird?
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| Re: a comment on Daddy's Girl by LosT SykoPath |
11-Jun-03/3:49 PM |
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your wit made me laugh. out loud. honestly.
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| Re: Daddy's Girl by LosT SykoPath |
11-Jun-03/3:49 PM |
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A nice father's day poem. however, not a haiku. you have about 195 too many syllables.
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| Re: a comment on Mirror to Mirror by Roisin |
11-Jun-03/1:17 PM |
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I mean get rid of it--change it. strive for freshness in language. I apologize for my ambiguity.
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| Re: Say Hello by Sawa |
11-Jun-03/6:41 AM |
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| Re: Layne Staley's Sunglasses by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
11-Jun-03/5:29 AM |
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Yu should almost never use the word "just". it is seldom necessary and it musddies up meaning bu softening the impact of your verb. perhaps "to" would be an apt replacement.
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| Re: 5 by Crakyamuni |
11-Jun-03/5:25 AM |
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| Re: Loss I havn't yet known by cleverdevice |
11-Jun-03/5:24 AM |
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| Re: To those who'd share their heartfelt feelings with the world by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
11-Jun-03/5:02 AM |
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