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Layne Staley's Sunglasses (Haiku) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
A son's curse searching to find a dead-end father That beats him to death


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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 8.0
Weighted score: 5.806824
Overall Rank: 1635
Posted: April 24, 2003 11:44 PM PDT; Last modified: June 11, 2003 7:42 PM PDT
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Comments:
[10] Robert K Foster @ 209.68.66.140 | 11-Jun-03/5:29 AM | Reply
Yu should almost never use the word "just". it is seldom necessary and it musddies up meaning bu softening the impact of your verb. perhaps "to" would be an apt replacement.
[n/a] Jeremi B. Handrinos @ 24.126.113.154 > Robert K Foster | 11-Jun-03/7:40 PM | Reply
I believe 'that' would work more appropriately in this situation. What do you think?
[10] Robert K Foster @ 209.68.66.80 > Jeremi B. Handrinos | 12-Jun-03/5:11 AM | Reply
ABSOLUTELY. bravo. Huge difference that adds to the impact of the poem.

P.S. I apologize about my comments being fraught with typographical errors.
[4] [mojo] @ 80.58.44.109 | 20-Apr-05/11:59 PM | Reply
Overly bleak. Maybe i just prefer life AFFIRMING haiku?
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