Layne Staley's Sunglasses

by Jeremi B. Handrinos

Member since 2003 · Posted 24 Apr 2003 · Edited 11 Jun 2003 · 4 comments

A son's curse searching to find a dead-end father That beats him to death

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mean 8.00 weighted 5.81 rank 1655 views 383 View voting details →

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4 comments

[10] Robert K Foster 11-Jun-03/5:29 AM Reply

Yu should almost never use the word "just". it is seldom necessary and it musddies up meaning bu softening the impact of your verb. perhaps "to" would be an apt replacement.

[n/a] Jeremi B. Handrinos › Robert K Foster 11-Jun-03/7:40 PM Reply

I believe 'that' would work more appropriately in this situation. What do you think?

[10] Robert K Foster › Jeremi B. Handrinos 12-Jun-03/5:11 AM Reply

ABSOLUTELY. bravo. Huge difference that adds to the impact of the poem.

P.S. I apologize about my comments being fraught with typographical errors.

[4] [mojo] 20-Apr-05/11:59 PM Reply

Overly bleak. Maybe i just prefer life AFFIRMING haiku?