Re: a comment on Hairball by jessicazee	25-Mar-07/1:29 PM
bow'ls.
Re: Guarded Fool by drnick	25-Mar-07/12:18 PM
This must be about children. You teach them rules and in psychoguff terms they internalise those rules and then when the rules are removed they grow into upstanding chaps. The poem is rubbish if my theory is incorrect.
Re: a comment on Guarded Fool by drnick	25-Mar-07/12:14 PM
Join a woman. How about superglue her ear to her toe.
Re: the magic rock by nypoet22	25-Mar-07/12:10 PM
The last verse is out of kilter. The poem is the narrator pondering certain questions but then he says to not blame Moses.
Re: Hairball by jessicazee	25-Mar-07/12:01 PM
Haiku should be two images that intersect. This isn't. Also it is ambiguous. Are you thanking the cat for wiping it up or for making it.
Re: Oops by John Rambo	25-Mar-07/11:54 AM
Dear God.
Re: The Finding by Skamper	25-Mar-07/11:42 AM
The finding, and the searching for that matter, sounds terribly portentious. I think the pome needs something more concrete to convince that there is something behind the shadows.
Re: Paper Maker by Skamper	25-Mar-07/11:39 AM
I disagree with JZ. There are a lot of prepositions but I think that is down to person style and not necessarily a fault. Arid air is a terrible cliche.
Re: The Search by Skamper	25-Mar-07/11:35 AM
The grammar and syntax seems all over the place, there are fragments that make sense. In the first couple of lines where does 'odd' come from. Like the lady with her tales about cats being unpoisonable. Not sure where Darwin awards? comes into it and the bit about reward, not sure about that either. In verse 2 caused 'it' is problematic, what exactly is 'it' (other than an anaphoric island). Like the primordial stew bit in verse 3 but 'The man who demanded of the three-legged dance says' the man who demanded what of the three-legged dance. The final verse is better but the final two lines are a bit rubbish.
Re: Untitled by Dovina	19-Mar-07/11:09 AM
Haiku is not the skill of getting bogged down in maudlin sentiment in a handful of syllables.
Re: love by mango123	16-Mar-07/3:26 PM
I don't thin the line breaks work here. With couplets there is little point in using enjambment. I would just write the first three couplets as follows: Love is burning you can see it in her eyes. (or Love is burning you can see it in her eyes). Love is burning you can hear it in his sighs. (or Love is burning you can hear it in his sighs). He feels so old beside Her and wonders how can this be?
Re: the wind outside by Emma	15-Mar-07/12:05 PM
I can't really see a fire alarm shaking in the wind. The whole smoking and reminiscing about the clang of a door is a bit dull. There are a couple of promising ideas here. The tree that doesn't bud one spring and is removed and the lights that burn out then bringing the poem back to 'maybe the tree will get replaced'. I like that.
Re: The Greek Philosopher Poem; cutting wrists in the bathtub by cheese.doodles	15-Mar-07/11:52 AM
I don't really see choking as appropriate. Close to a neat metaphor here.
Re: The Greek Philosopher Poem; cutting wrists in the bathtub by cheese.doodles	15-Mar-07/11:50 AM
I cut my wrists as a philosopher. I used Occam's razor.
Re: I Am From by beaner14	15-Mar-07/11:49 AM
The last three verses are a decent attempt. There are a few problems with the first three though. All the veins, death, soul, pavement cracks, verdant turned grey are a bit clumsy. Im not sure how small balls of dough savor the taste either.
Re: Finding Me by beaner14	15-Mar-07/11:43 AM
This is a pimple poem. Lots of talking about yourself, and lots of cliche, teen angsty. A reader can't be expected to be too interested in all that and a better poem would attempt to engage with the world around the individual play with metaphor etc. Having said that I like the poem's simplicity (a lot of people fall into the trap of writing clunky overwrought tosh which is something you have admirably foregone), I also like that you have a decent sized block of text that reads so well. I think you have a pleasant writing style.
Re: A Question by poetry_rancour	13-Mar-07/3:02 PM
I think the reader has to understand jive to get this.
Re: Her Mitts by Nepanthe	13-Mar-07/2:57 PM
I think the second verse changes the metre a bit but that is not necessarily a problem.
Re: Abused Light by Greeny	13-Mar-07/2:50 PM
The abused light is an intriguing word choice but the reader is not let in why you think it is appropriate. I like the again grain rhyme. Some of the others are a little obvious.
Re: a limerick from kent by nentwined	13-Mar-07/12:23 PM
Interesting subversion. The grammar looks a bit convoluted. Don't get l4.