Re: snacktime by jesslew	13-Mar-07/12:11 PM
Don't like the last line. Like the whimsy of 'bananas are edible smiles' and the idiosyncrasy of 'everyone needs potassium.
Re: STAN by poetry_rancour	13-Mar-07/12:09 PM
I don't get the ending. Looks kind of forced.
Re: A whole load of cunts by mr cunt	10-Mar-07/11:19 AM
Are you and Edna Pete Burns.
Re: The Laws of Life by lrustagi	2-Mar-07/2:28 PM
So many problems here. Some of the apostrophes are plain daft. When has anyone in the deepest recesses of time ever spoken about something being 'ttractive or 'cerbic or something that 'xtends. The poem refuses to yield a sentence that actually means anything. Who the hell is zealous smith? What is the glow of God? Have you seen God glow recently. What is 'crisp the cast, thou walk out cleanse the outer, hence inner stout' all about '[the test of truth]fist it firm an' hold it tight' What!!. And the grammar 'full of flurry an' floral flourish bridle is there in thou hands'. And don't you realise that to close a sentence you need a full stop. -bum-
Re: a comment on Firestorm by Dovina	25-Feb-07/2:23 AM
If I leave aside the frankly mind boggling idea that you left for America in search of sophistication it is not the amount of colour that is the objection rather the weak description. Also you seem to have confused me. I am no more a cockney barrow boy than I am a negro maid.
Re: Firestorm by Dovina	24-Feb-07/2:19 PM
I find the namechecking of all these colours a bit unsophisticated.
Re: Remembering Nick by jessicazee	24-Feb-07/2:17 PM
Like this. Lots of interesting lines. Last time we kissed you had more teeth. Jellyfish are so smart.
Re: Lonely Hearts by Stephen Robins	16-Feb-07/2:39 PM
Needs more acronyms.
Re: Complaints by jessicazee	16-Feb-07/2:35 PM
I don't know what cocoa salt stains are. I'd stick with just cocoa stains. I like how you go back to his knee again to communicate its intermittent nature. I presume you have been chided for playing the fool with the shadow hands. 'it was the bear wasn't it?' is interesting. I read it as an innocent attempt to explain why your playful.ness had elicited complaint. It is difficult to get a grip of at first but it does make sense after a few reads.
Re: Plurals by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	16-Feb-07/2:17 PM
Octopodes is my favourite.
Re: A Cautionary Tale by Tman	12-Feb-07/10:16 AM
I don't think it works putting your rhyming words on a seperate line. It makes the poem sound like Father Ted's 'my lovely horse'. Also sleep does not fill one's head.
Re: self-suffocation by Phalkon	12-Feb-07/10:07 AM
and your English teacher just laughed. :(
Re: Captured by Dovina	12-Feb-07/10:05 AM
It's ok. The whole little paw entices strong hand idea is relatively interesting. It's just I don't know kind of icky.
Re: a comment on Captured by Dovina	12-Feb-07/10:02 AM
other purposes! Like a whisk.
Re: Flowers by Dovina	5-Feb-07/3:08 PM
Lupine being an American variant on lupin. I double taked at that, I mean if someone said they had brought a wild lupine to my door I would have expected a wolf. The first verse is a terrible cliche.
Re: Tea,One Night Stands and Smores by Bethy	5-Feb-07/3:02 PM
I liked this bit: 'honey, was my need./He handed me sugar,/his number,more tea. That he was called Jeff amused me forced rhyme?
Re: David at the Firing by coldiron	5-Feb-07/2:57 PM
The first verse-- dear God. The embdashes from then on are utterly misused (the one after shaping is ok at a push). The ending is too abrupt. Having said that I like the idea that they put his ashes in a pot he was shaping because he died at a potter's wheel. I would go for more descriptive language for how the pot is being raised.
Re: Stream of Consciousness (#2) by MacFrantic	29-Jan-07/1:17 PM
If this is your stream of consciousness you must think hella slow.
Re: Solving Freud's Conflict (not a weather poem) by nypoet22	29-Jan-07/1:04 PM
Cute.
Re: Alternatives by Dovina	29-Jan-07/1:01 PM
Who do we admit defeat to. The other side resembles the volcano God. We placate it by being sufficiently beastly to the Jewish people and crossing our fingers that it will not erupt. We can't actually talk to it. And what is this technology? Is it a humane way of wasting people? The free range chicken method of genocide. We can only hope.