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The Laws of Life (Free verse) by lrustagi
the design of destiny oh! so bright, yet so dull full of flurry an' floral flourish bridle is there in thou hands behind the overture lies the fact zealous smith has all the impact the walls of wisdom oh! so suave, yet so subtle risk to climb, may get 'cross thinkin' twice, thou must've lost break'em apart, does one gain hue an' cry all in vain the test of truth oh! so simple, yet so 'cerbic much to merit, nought to lose adhere to it, thou go steered fist it firm an' hold it tight chooseth dark or chooseth light the vice of vanity oh! so 'ttractive, yet so frothy inner man knows it all put thyself to bare fire crisp the cast, thou walk out cleanse the outer, hence inner stout the glow of God oh! so brilliant, yet so faint sparkle of diamond, rays of hope 'xtends His hand to all created bask thyself in holy stall cross thou commit, may burn thou all.

Up the ladder: Breath
Down the ladder: Gypsy

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Arithmetic Mean: 8.5
Weighted score: 5.41721
Overall Rank: 3073
Posted: February 27, 2007 11:10 AM PST; Last modified: February 27, 2007 11:10 AM PST
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Comments:
[6] Dovina @ 75.82.86.162 | 27-Feb-07/3:47 PM | Reply
It's an interesting attempt as unusual language. I'd prefer to see the Old English done with proper grammar though. You mix new and old in an interesting way, but if the old is not done properly, then people think you're just blabbing without having learned the form. A nice attempt at something different.
[9] jessicazee @ 65.30.187.185 | 1-Mar-07/3:04 AM | Reply
Courageous (sp?) and well-tought-out. 8.9
[n/a] richa @ 81.179.219.225 | 2-Mar-07/2:28 PM | Reply
So many problems here. Some of the apostrophes are plain daft. When has anyone in the deepest recesses of time ever spoken about something being 'ttractive or 'cerbic or something that 'xtends. The poem refuses to yield a sentence that actually means anything. Who the hell is zealous smith? What is the glow of God? Have you seen God glow recently. What is 'crisp the cast, thou walk out cleanse the outer, hence inner stout' all about '[the test of truth]fist it firm an' hold it tight' What!!. And the grammar 'full of flurry an' floral flourish bridle is there in thou hands'. And don't you realise that to close a sentence you need a full stop. -bum-
[9] Bethy @ 165.154.46.45 | 3-Mar-07/4:06 AM | Reply
very good, I like this form of language...It appeals to one of my other lives...:) :) Bethy
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