Re: Controlled Euthanasia by Dovina	28-Jan-07/1:46 PM
I read the gud one. The only bit I liked was the end when she found him with peanut butter and struggling with a loaf of bread. I'm not sure the poem makes any sense though.
Re: Molecules of Paint by Dovina	22-Jan-07/3:23 PM
If you are looking to edit it I would start by distilling the list of colours and trees into a couple of lines. And don't repeat yourself about the whole paint on a scene palette thing. I don't think the colours of leaves mix either.
Re: Fanatic by Dovina	15-Jan-07/2:18 PM
Is this about how people who know things mock people who don't know things because people who know things have not received 'gentleness'. I think it is.
Re: Same old rancour (a yellow stream of consciousness) by ecargo	15-Jan-07/2:10 PM
I like pratfallen. To fall on one's buttocks. Very apt.
Re: a comment on The dancers by richa	13-Jan-07/2:13 PM
Bless you.:)
Re: Brains for Barter by Dovina	10-Jan-07/12:22 PM
The last line is a bit of a let down. It's the right idea but the image needs to be more interesting. The language in the first verse is a bit flakey.
Re: test by zanzina	17-May-06/2:38 PM
If the test is to see whether people will vote for any old bum then -10-
Re: The Prodigal Daughter by Dovina	17-May-06/2:33 PM
'She knew her life’s pattern; her ethics were set'. Don't like this. It is just stating the plot. Show don't tell.
Re: 72 virgins (but the bitches ain't fun) by ALChemy	17-May-06/2:29 PM
72 virgins are ace because they are pure and virtuous. In heaven on must forsake any thoughts of sin for they can't be lived out. There are only souls in heaven. No bones. :(
Re: Old River Sherbourne by Caducus	17-May-06/3:12 AM
Like most of it. Slaughter, tombs and grave are a bit overwrought though.
Re: Old River Sherbourne by Caducus	17-May-06/3:10 AM
I believe Canute was demonstrating the limits of kingly power to his subjects.
Re: Lovely Independence by Sunny	17-Apr-06/12:25 PM
The last line is a bit tame. I like the enjambment in the main, my mood/changes especially.
Re: In Ethel’s Honor by Dovina	17-Apr-06/2:36 AM
This is good. There are a couple of parts you lose me though (I don't want an explanation). 'Found somewhere in the trunk Then watched her while it fell again' and 'He poked a stick down through The pot and nailed it to the ground Then he stood and waited'
Re: Good old days by amanda_dcosta	16-Apr-06/2:35 PM
Decent enough. No need for the last line though. I think we get it by then.
Re: jay by ecargo	16-Apr-06/2:25 PM
'white blue blue sky swirl flash audacity of bird bowing, chortling.' A couple more articles here please.
Re: Perils of the Learning Curve by Dovina	21-Mar-06/1:06 PM
I know this is true because it happens on ER and Scrubs all the time.
Re: a comment on REM Sleep by mystic enoch	21-Mar-06/1:05 PM
The bits of information you pick up during the day. The bits that the brain does not devote much processing space to because they are so pointless. That's dreams. What the hell is this unconscious mind you have that talks. Are you possessed.
Re: A HANGMAN'S MOANING by Dhanesh M Kumar	5-Mar-06/1:36 PM
'Alas doing for the sake of bread' is garbled. Something like 'hanging men for the bread on my table' makes more sense. 'The justice perhaps may'- No 'the' perhaps and maybe mean the same thing (in this context) so you should ditch one. 'Justice may have a thousand reasons' would be more obvious. 'to make him stranglehold' should be 'to strangle him' and the man does not surmount the knot. The knot is atop him. A mind can not realistically be said to be brittle because it is non-material. 'agonized faces many I have seen' should probably be 'I have seen many agonising faces'.
Re: a comment on =, <>, & . . . by Dovina	4-Mar-06/2:28 PM
It is psychology because it measures behaviour.
Re: Empty Chronicles by Scarlett	27-Feb-06/6:44 AM
What is a mulberry binder? I thought binders just held paper.