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Molecules of Paint (Free verse) by Dovina
As summer ends and chill descends, across the valley of the Cumberland, October woods of Tennessee display their dying colors, paints upon a palette, oils for another scene. Poplar, hickory, locust, maple, don their shades of yellow; while the oaks grow russet, red and crimson. Artistes of sassafras and sweetgum flash with shades of orange, yellow, brown and red, as if, not having ever died, they search like children for the way. From beneath the trees, each minute leaf, a spec of color, contributes to the forest hue, like a molecule of paint. In summer’s heat it gave its produce, strength to father tree. Now, with the planet’s lean to north, it feels the days grow short. Perhaps with sadness, it resignly knows the work that put it here is done. Just a final color show, and then it’s time to go. Soon I’ll see the vein-like patterns, cold and firm, of leafless trees, the strengths of leaves transferred to them, to height, to weight and wood, while tissue-thin remains decay like blueprints or like sketches. Faint lines transect the withered leaf where fluids carried nutrients to chlorophyll and sun, then hauled the workers’ product for the good of one great whole. A leaf records a picture, loosely drawn, of wood from which it falls, or plans from which a tree is made; I can’t precisely say. This one underneath my shoe mixes, as by artist’s brush, with other paint for something new.

Up the ladder: Quietus Proprietus
Down the ladder: Sinistral Defenses

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Weighted score: 5.119203
Overall Rank: 5936
Posted: January 19, 2007 4:30 PM PST; Last modified: January 19, 2007 4:30 PM PST
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Comments:
[10] deleted user @ 64.140.228.114 | 19-Jan-07/9:45 PM | Reply
Wow! And you said I was wordy. Only kidding Dovina--this is very good work. Strong metaphors and similes push it along nicely. I have to admit that I'm a sucker for poems about nature and this is one of the best I've seen on this site. It is also a poem about home. I've never been to Tennessee, but the picture you paint reminds me of my own home in New Hampshire. Thanks for sharing.
[n/a] Dovina @ 75.82.85.162 > deleted user | 20-Jan-07/3:50 PM | Reply
I’m all ablush :) Thanks.

Ah, the extremities of human opinion, how they inspire imaginings into the soul—from height of ecstasy to lowest disdain over a simple poem.
[n/a] Stephen Robins @ 213.146.148.199 > Dovina | 22-Jan-07/3:02 AM | Reply

Dovina, I have never seen you so effected, sorry, affected.

You have sucked the words out of his sheath like a thirsty ladyboy and positively turned it into a beam of smugness to shower upon the countenances of other rankers. "Look" you wail, "somebody has said something positive on this website about one of my poems, no any poem, and it wasn't Ranger".
[n/a] Dovina @ 75.82.85.162 > Stephen Robins | 22-Jan-07/3:29 PM | Reply
Sorry, I got carried away in a cloud of extremities.
[8] Ranger @ 86.140.66.243 | 21-Jan-07/3:13 AM | Reply
This is pretty good actually. The images are well-crafted and effective. It needs a more careful second read though. I'll come back later. Metrically, I like it mostly, although some places need reworking ('crimson/Artistes' etc.). rockmage might have a point about there being too many words though, ones like 'while', 'now', 'then' can probably be edited out or replaced.

'spec' = 'speck'?
'resignly' = 'resignedly'?

Love the final stanza :-)
[n/a] Dovina @ 75.51.248.14 > Ranger | 21-Jan-07/2:39 PM | Reply
I could argue that "each minute leaf, a spec of color" portends the idea expressed later in the peom about a leaf's vein pattern as blueprint of the tree. Would you believe me, or say it's late covering?

"Resignedly" is right - good call. I don't suppose you'd buy that "resignly" sounds better?

You're better at how things sound, so maybe you'd tell me what "crimson/Artistes" lacks.
[8] Ranger @ 86.142.241.69 > Dovina | 22-Jan-07/3:10 AM | Reply
You might get away with 'spec', if the reader's in a perceptive mood. 'Resignly' has to be changed though, in my opinion.

'Crimson' ends with a weak syllable, and I pronounce 'Artistes' with 'Ar-' being also a weak syllable. That being said, I think you lot over in America might do it differently. So yes, you can get away with that too, I expect.
[n/a] richa @ 81.179.135.216 | 22-Jan-07/3:23 PM | Reply
If you are looking to edit it I would start by distilling the list of colours and trees into a couple of lines. And don't repeat yourself about the whole paint on a scene palette thing. I don't think the colours of leaves mix either.
[n/a] Dovina @ 75.82.85.162 > richa | 22-Jan-07/3:48 PM | Reply
I always consider an edit, and agree the linked list of colors and trees goes on a bit. I often edit the poems I post here, but I don’t always post the edits. I did repeat the mixing of paint on a palette at the end, hoping to bring home the idea of similar patterns in leaf veins and tree branches, and suggest a connection. Maybe it goes without saying. Thanks for the comments.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 70.198.23.179 > Dovina | 28-Jan-07/12:26 PM | Reply
I've got diabetes.
[n/a] Dovina @ 208.127.72.242 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 28-Jan-07/2:24 PM | Reply
From sniffing molecules of paint?
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 75.200.33.101 > Dovina | 28-Jan-07/4:25 PM | Reply
From being a diabetes boy.
[n/a] Dovina @ 208.127.72.242 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 28-Jan-07/4:30 PM | Reply
I don't think I've ever said this to you, and I know you've never said it to me - I'm sorry.
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