Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Tea,One Night Stands and Smores (Free verse) by Bethy
Tea, at a tea cafe'. He was sitting there, a glance away. I went to the counter, honey, was my need. He handed me sugar, his number,more tea. I cross the floor, to a booth,I slid in, He followed,sat down, my thoughts in a spin. He said,"I'm Jeff" and reached for my hand. I said, "I'm Beth" and thought,one night stand. To my surprize, he was just what I needed, We talked a while, he said, "Lets beat it" We got up from our nest, and headed for the door. His hand on my back, my heart pounding more. Thoughts running wild , inside of my head. I picture us sweaty and twisted, laying breathless, in bed. I got up the courage, to ask one little thing. I noticed your left hand, is donned with a ring. He smiled and nodded, as we stopped for gas. He pumped it quickly, paid, and sped away fast. Down the road we drove, til we came to a hotel. He went in and paid, I was nervous as hell. Quietly, I opened, the creeky car door. Went home to my cats, and pigged out on smores.

Up the ladder: Prejudice and Racism
Down the ladder: puppy love

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 10
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00

Arithmetic Mean: 6.3333335
Weighted score: 5.1589375
Overall Rank: 5119
Posted: February 5, 2007 7:09 AM PST; Last modified: February 5, 2007 7:09 AM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[9] Ranger @ 81.103.124.179 | 5-Feb-07/7:40 AM | Reply
Sweet, good rhythm too
[n/a] Bethy @ 165.154.46.172 > Ranger | 5-Feb-07/10:12 AM | Reply
Thank you Ranger...how sweet of you...have a nice day :) Bethy
[n/a] Stephen Robins @ 213.146.148.199 > Bethy | 7-Feb-07/1:28 AM | Reply
Ranger dopesn't know how to be nasty he is the very personfication of a -=Light_Angel=-.
[n/a] richa @ 81.179.135.216 | 5-Feb-07/3:02 PM | Reply
I liked this bit: 'honey, was my need./He handed me sugar,/his number,more tea. That he was called Jeff amused me forced rhyme?
[8] Dovina @ 75.82.86.162 | 6-Feb-07/11:36 AM | Reply
A good moving story. Tense conflict - might be best to make it all present tense, but you could just eliminate the few out-of-past-tense verbs. Also, quote marks are inconsistent - I'd use them on all quotes. And spacing - yes, a space after every comma. I like it though.
208 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001