poemranker ::Tea,One Night Stands and Smores by Bethy

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 149757

Tea,One Night Stands and Smores

Member since 2005 · Posted 5 Feb 2007 · 5 comments

Tea, at a tea cafe'. He was sitting there, a glance away. I went to the counter, honey, was my need. He handed me sugar, his number,more tea. I cross the floor, to a booth,I slid in, He followed,sat down, my thoughts in a spin. He said,"I'm Jeff" and reached for my hand. I said, "I'm Beth" and thought,one night stand. To my surprize, he was just what I needed, We talked a while, he said, "Lets beat it" We got up from our nest, and headed for the door. His hand on my back, my heart pounding more. Thoughts running wild , inside of my head. I picture us sweaty and twisted, laying breathless, in bed. I got up the courage, to ask one little thing. I noticed your left hand, is donned with a ring. He smiled and nodded, as we stopped for gas. He pumped it quickly, paid, and sped away fast. Down the road we drove, til we came to a hotel. He went in and paid, I was nervous as hell. Quietly, I opened, the creeky car door. Went home to my cats, and pigged out on smores.

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mean 6.33 weighted 5.16 rank 5118 views 208 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

5 comments

[9] Ranger 5-Feb-07/7:40 AM Reply
Sweet, good rhythm too
[n/a] Bethy › Ranger 5-Feb-07/10:12 AM Reply
Thank you Ranger...how sweet of you...have a nice day :) Bethy
[n/a] Stephen Robins › Bethy 7-Feb-07/1:28 AM Reply
Ranger dopesn't know how to be nasty he is the very personfication of a -=Light_Angel=-.
[n/a] richa 5-Feb-07/3:02 PM Reply
I liked this bit: 'honey, was my need./He handed me sugar,/his number,more tea. That he was called Jeff amused me forced rhyme?
[8] Dovina 6-Feb-07/11:36 AM Reply
A good moving story. Tense conflict - might be best to make it all present tense, but you could just eliminate the few out-of-past-tense verbs. Also, quote marks are inconsistent - I'd use them on all quotes. And spacing - yes, a space after every comma. I like it though.