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The Finding (Free verse) by Skamper the T.V. set to blaring
comatose shapes arranged
various contemplated
positionings
red eyes find the telling
of motherâs fantasy lies
over-compensating
ears well-attuned
to listening
and minds too quick - for
shadowey scenarios
heâs back
for better or worse -
worsening fears
spreadable
ingestible
and we watch
the sickening march
odd eyes glazing
matting discards
clinging and jostling
for position
- and the stench
filling
we â make the fussing
bearable
collecting babbling ideas
relief in evidence
bagged and tagged
for later examination
so â one returned
and one due back
we fear he lies
too far beyond -
the finding
Up the ladder:
no no no bad move
Down the ladder:
To my Valentine
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.75
Posted: March 22, 2007 2:27 PM PDT; Last modified: March 22, 2007 2:27 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.970199 Overall Rank: 8452 Comments:
[7]
Dovina @ 208.127.114.139
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24-Mar-07/8:56 AM
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Reply
Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. Thus I render what they have often preached to me: you are too vague; some nice lines in your three poems here, but whatever they are saying is too well camouflaged. But youâre doing okay here and seem able to tolerate guff, and thus might last awhile.
[n/a]
Skamper @ 202.6.132.11
> Dovina
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24-Mar-07/8:27 PM
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Reply
Vague? Yes-I guess I am. The Search and The Finding are connected. I appreciate your review and honesty, which is why I decided to join. As for the guff, a word I haven't heard sinse the old country-but I have a nice pile of it handy. Many thanks.
The finding, and the searching for that matter, sounds terribly portentious. I think the pome needs something more concrete to convince that there is something behind the shadows.
Portentious? Meaning they are literally that, a search and a finding? Hmmm...That's exactly what the writes are about. I think this poem needs nothing, it works for me. There isn't anything lurking behind shadows, it's all there...a little scrambled but I like my ideas that way.
reads like a wordsmith's musing on an empty-minded sunny sunday afternoon;... will search later for hidden depths, should there be any
bring a bucket and spade - if we can't find the hidden depths, making sand-castles is just as fun
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