Re: the magic rock by nypoet22	22-May-07/9:36 AM
I like the final verse now.
Re: The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	22-May-07/9:23 AM
Rebuke arose! Rebuke arose!! like out of the ether or something. Jesus. What an appalling word choice. God knows how a cyclist is a preacher in a wandering soul or what the hell that vague utterance even means. Yet fear thepain of flimsy fence? Do you speak English? Supposed duties of your breed? Is this one of your crazy ideas again that means something to you because it doesn't to the reader. In the weariness of afternoon, as alcohol, so legs draw concentration. WTF. The rest is ok but prosaic.
Re: a comment on 1945 by nypoet22	22-May-07/9:02 AM
from disease. And I rather thought it was about Eva Braun.
Re: a comment on 1945 by nypoet22	22-May-07/8:57 AM
How about: five years not dead of disease she dies on the sixth and then they make peace and isn't it ironic.
Re: Worn Ruse by drnick	30-Apr-07/3:53 AM
I like the first verse. The second is rather overwrought fears, lies, depression etc. Try not no be so wise about the character. Let him act in the poem.
Re: The Emperor's new clothes by thetrev	30-Apr-07/3:46 AM
How very intriguing.
Re: new clothes, same old story by nypoet22	30-Apr-07/3:42 AM
Why 'passed'.
Re: Breath by thetrev	30-Apr-07/3:38 AM
I don't know what the hell is going on here. The stuffy beige of what? How are windows unbuttoned, are they windows or shirts? How are voices sweaty? We still don't know where we are when you talk about big breaths bottles, lined up like a squadron. If the poem had a better sense of place the reader may be more inclined to explore these metaphors but as they stand they just look like gibberish. 'Their wrists are taut' the 'their' is meant to be about the students (I hope) but the students have not been mentioned since stanza 1. Verses 3-5 are a perfectly lucid poem in themself but verses 1+2 fail to impart much meaning.
Re: 1982 County Stadium by jessicazee	30-Apr-07/3:07 AM
I like 'We might have tailgated but I thought that meant something like skitching'.
Re: Deserted Shopping Carts by cheese.doodles	30-Apr-07/3:04 AM
I think you mean evil octopodes. And evil is kind of overwrought for any poem let alone one ostensibly about shopping trolleys. I think the place the trolley is dumped possibly needs elucidating to give the poem place. Other than that the bones of a decent poem here. Have an -8-.
Re: Ein Kampf by Sasha	23-Apr-07/12:20 AM
Mrs Sasha. I do like this, 'mankind is mere seasons' and 'the son of the slave is a tyrant' how different characters play out the same scenarios. The poem is not arbiter on a historical dispute it examines how we abuse power when it is given to us. A couple of nits. Blood is warm so not like cold communion wine. Perhaps like communion wine poured into a cold communion cup. And the last line is the worst of the poem by a mile it is so banal. 'So sit and count your blessings. They are not yours to give.' is rather peculiar because presumably there is nothing wrong with blessed people sharing their good fortune with others.
Re: Unsung American Dream by SupremeDreamer	22-Apr-07/11:37 PM
friggin' aceo.
Re: Sensually Literary Villanelle by bwaha	14-Apr-07/7:42 AM
I like this. Of the two refrains 'my favourite lover, English, is great in bed' is by far the best. A couple of places where it loses its discipline. 'I pity romancers who have tears shed' is forced. And the fifth verse isn't as good as the others.
Re: Shuushin the multi-personality total cunt by mr cunt	4-Apr-07/3:09 AM
Everyone is everyone. You could post under everyone but you are not in our club.:(
Re: Her by Sasha	28-Mar-07/1:52 PM
Pass. If you're to write about a her or a he in which nothing happens you need to come up with something pretty spectacular to keep people interested. Purple prose doesn't cut it.
Re: Hairball by jessicazee	28-Mar-07/2:35 AM
I have changed my mind. Subverting the haiku is the only art.
Re: a comment on Hairball by jessicazee	28-Mar-07/2:33 AM
Stop this madness! Ungodly Basho. Ungodly Onitsura. Ungodly the two images that gain magical properties when you put them together. It is spring and o look a frog. It is winter o look an old man. Ungodly the bloody Japanese they are so exotic. Ungodly the power mysterious to which every Japanese word must be calculated. Lo orient magic. Lo magnificent non-sequitur. Bloody rain cloud.
Re: Union-GO train-Toronto by azntsarina	26-Mar-07/6:29 AM
Great clarity.
Re: Another Life by azntsarina	26-Mar-07/6:27 AM
I don't think the cold water darkness simile works. You don't really breathe in darkness or cold water. Don't like how you've used 5 lines to say green red red yellow. 'And most of the time I am' doesn't appear to refer to anything. I like the bit about the fogs that occassionally descend on this city, the balance of fog. I really like the last verse too (bar the last line). There seem to be three themes here, the wandering in the fields, the past life, and the dissection fantasy. I'm not sure how they are linked though.
Re: A Post of Winter by azntsarina	26-Mar-07/6:15 AM
Not keen on the whole polar storage diversion. The best parts for me are the 'for a minute I thought I was beautiful' and its relationship to the catching the boy's thoughts at Saigon house (the best part of the poem imo) and the end with let them think what they want. I think you have the crux here of an aceo poem.