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Worn Ruse (Free verse) by drnick He'd like to touch you
But you're not there.
You're in a worn ruse
He cannot see through.
Silence guides in
Thoughts, fears, lies.
You will crush him
A mind of depression.
He'll contrive
Your false mind
And you'll do
What you need to.
Logic signs
Pass him by
Another worn ruse
He will not see through.
Up the ladder:
Ode to the Irish Pub
Down the ladder:
Highschool in My Head
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.8333335
Posted: April 29, 2007 10:05 PM PDT; Last modified: April 29, 2007 10:05 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.2241178 Overall Rank: 4285 Comments:
[7]
richa @ 81.179.247.122
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30-Apr-07/3:53 AM
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Reply
I like the first verse. The second is rather overwrought fears, lies, depression etc. Try not no be so wise about the character. Let him act in the poem.
[n/a]
drnick @ 24.247.112.155
> richa
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30-Apr-07/7:32 AM
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Reply
I do see what you mean, thank you!
Is she "in" a worn ruse, or acting it? And if it's worn (as in seen by him before) why is he not seeing through it?
She's in a worn ruse that is acted by his mind. He doesn't see through it because it is a psychological disorder of some sort. I realize that I need to develop that thought so as the reader has a better understanding. Thank you!
I've been acted on by worn ruses and like to think I'm ruse-hardened, but never really am.
fabulous concept not done full justice by this poem
Bravo. Some psychological problem from how I see it and very well put. I like the phrase... Logic signs pass him by. You could do with an edit , but I think from one point of view, you've already made your point. Good work.
the middle stanza is completely unnecessary. remove it and this piece will be much stronger.
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