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Another Life (Free verse) by azntsarina
I walk into darkness like into cold water Breathe it in and let it seep through my skin And then let it rest, until it becomes part of me The same temperature the same black Through the morning into the day there is fog all around And the lights change like they are blinking lazily Green. Red Red. Yellow Surrounded by man-made suns I want to be balaced like the fog And most of the time I am Except when foolish boys talk to me and then My blood turns to gasoline (give me a match so I can burn) But only momentarily, so there are only bitter oily traces left Floating in my system, making me hate them even more (I will not be as low I will not be as low) While they burn in fire I will wander in those fields These white fields filled with fog In-between heaven and hell They occasionally descend on this city Trying to scribble out lines but everything has to rhyme and I don't and nothing works A limp body lying on the sofa maybe In my past life I was incinerated in one of those mass graves in ovens Backbones breaking as my corpse was dumped in Skin stretching, trying to hold all this together, the insides with blood vessles everywhere, organs flattened like a piece of schnitzel on a chef's table. They tried to get information. Maybe, a limb hanging out of the oven door Spark! and Bloodless lips burning with the death-fire I'm afraid that one of these days I will wake up to see that I have been dissected By the one with whom I fell asleep Maybe it would be for the better None of them can measure up to what I left behind

Down the ladder: Labor.

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Weighted score: 4.9525743
Overall Rank: 8830
Posted: March 25, 2007 9:36 PM PDT; Last modified: March 25, 2007 9:36 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] richa @ 81.179.219.225 | 26-Mar-07/6:27 AM | Reply
I don't think the cold water darkness simile works. You don't really breathe in darkness or cold water. Don't like how you've used 5 lines to say green red red yellow. 'And most of the time I am' doesn't appear to refer to anything. I like the bit about the fogs that occassionally descend on this city, the balance of fog. I really like the last verse too (bar the last line). There seem to be three themes here, the wandering in the fields, the past life, and the dissection fantasy. I'm not sure how they are linked though.
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