Poemranker [Poem: Finding Me] [by beaner14] Sun May 05 09:15:19 PDT 2024

I used to be able to say that I was the best To say that I once lived without regrets But now its like everything has changed My life seems like its been rearranged Iâm not someone who I like to be I second guess every possibility I have no drive, or determination Its like being popular is my only dedication I donât give the effort, or put in the time It seems my priorities are way out of line I like to have fun, weekends are my nights out But lifeâs not a party, its not what its all about My head is blurry, my dreams arenât clear Iâm afraid of the future, life is what I fear At only 15, Iâm filled with worry I want to grow up fast, but thereâs no hurry I want to relax and like who I am Rather than stress about boys, and my next exam I want to go back to who I was But I know that I cant, just because I made my mistakes, ones that I cant undo Iâve become poisoned with thoughts that arenât true And I sit and I cry saying lifeâs unfair Yet Iâm to worried about what they think, or what to wear So I guess what I mean, is that I miss myself Its like I took the old me, and hung it up on a shelf And Iâm tired of being who everyone wants me to be And I cant wait for the day when Iâm back to being me But for now Iâm here, and Iâm about to change Iâm going to look fear in the eye, and stop playing games Iâm conquering my goals one by one But in the back of my head, I know that Iâm still young So please respect me, and give me my rights And help me when I need you if my situations tight Try to make me laugh, and hug me when Iâm sad Remind me to think about what I have, and not what I had Tell me to live and act like a kid Try to change what I do, not undo what I did Cause Iâm here for a reason, not just to look good And Iâm not to be judged, I may be misunderstood So look at me real hard, under my skin Beyond my smiling face and my innocent sin Then maybe youâll see how much help I need That Iâm not so perfect, and Iâm not your average teen Iâm a girl with a smile, a laugh, and a frown Donât look away, donât turn me down Cleanse my soul, show me contemplation Give me a life, build my education Show me you care, about who I want to be And tell me that all I have to do is be me.

[8] richa @ 81.179.219.225 | 15-Mar-07/11:43 AM | Reply

This is a pimple poem. Lots of talking about yourself, and lots of cliche, teen angsty. A reader can't be expected to be too interested in all that and a better poem would attempt to engage with the world around the individual play with metaphor etc. Having said that I like the poem's simplicity (a lot of people fall into the trap of writing clunky overwrought tosh which is something you have admirably foregone), I also like that you have a decent sized block of text that reads so well. I think you have a pleasant writing style.

[n/a] beaner14 @ 216.221.81.99 > richa | 15-Mar-07/12:48 PM | Reply

thanks for the comments, im so new at this and i appreciate the feedback. any help that i can get is taken into consideration :)

[7] Ranger @ 81.103.124.179 > beaner14 | 21-Mar-07/5:44 AM | Reply

Try writing haiku about images. They don't need to be spectacular metaphors or anything, just get the hang of imagery and non-cliched description for the time being. Then move on to metre, and after that, to writing 'from experience' (whatever the hell that means). When all those requisites are fulfilled, you may begin your lessons in writing about the Loom - and then, my girl, an poete you shall be!