| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Untitled (Haiku) by Dovina Japanese magnolia
bare, but for its flowers
a motherâs heart
Up the ladder:
A Bronze Mule
Down the ladder:
The Buiness Card
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Posted: March 18, 2007 8:03 PM PDT; Last modified: March 18, 2007 8:03 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.2384057 Overall Rank: 4098 Comments:
[10]
richa @ 81.179.219.225
|
19-Mar-07/11:09 AM
|
Reply
Haiku is not the skill of getting bogged down in maudlin sentiment in a handful of syllables.
[n/a]
Dovina @ 208.127.114.9
> richa
|
19-Mar-07/9:05 PM
|
Reply
Haiku is not the use of a formula like 5-7-5.
This is a terrible haiku about an 'untitled'.
Although most haiku are untitled, it does seem a strange title; maybe "Blank" or "_____" should fill that space. Have you, too, inverted the scale, giving nines to the terrible?
No, I think it is an excellent haiku. But I have 'funny views' concerning titles.
You were so extraoridinarily close to saying something unpleasant to someone in that comment, but then you rescued yourself by chintzing it up with some " ". However, a pleasnat comment with a barb from Ranger is still the most withering attack anyone can experience on poemranker. So Dovina, get yourself a title, and then get yourself back to the open water before the Icelanders catch you and make you into heating oil.
I will insult someone horribly one day, just for you. And also because 'chintzing' is the very best word I have seen all week.
haiku should be left to japanese.
western haiku always has this slight touch of sentiment, morality or metaphor.
Sentiment, morality and metaphor are not absent from Japanese haiku. Basho, Buscon, Issa, Shiki all used them. True, the Japanese almost always used seasonal references, which English writers, sadly, have thought unnecessary. And we tend to use Western literary devices, which really donât work well in haiku.
so why call it haiku? 'short poem' will do fine.
I find a touch of sentiment in this one: even when I'm in Kyoto when I hear the cuckoo I long for Kyoto still, it's more of an observation of a sentiment. But this is one of the best: Old pond Frog jumps in Splash! (both are by Basho)
You can call it "short poem" if you want, but I like the attitude of Japanese haiku. I don't exactly try to imitate them, but I try for their mindset.
Thanks for the comments.
What bow'ls.
Are you all related? Has anyone fled this place in tatters? Speaking of the reviews here, not the poem. which is lovely, I like haiku and even sweetness has it's place..nice!
243 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
